At home alone. I feel like I am over and over saying the same thing. I can't do this anymore. Yes i am taking meds, yes i am seeing a psychologist, yes i am exercising yes i am meditating no i am not sleeping well. I can't do this. I hate everything and everyone. People should just bugger off and leave me here to die. i dont wanna fight anymore. i need to be back in hospital so maybe i can get the strength back to live. but to go to hospital will mean that i lose and disappoint my boyfriend. again i have gone back to the whole pretending i am fine role just so i dont upset people. they say they dont want me to do that and they want me to be honest. but when i am they dont want to hear it. what do i do. what can i do. surely there is an answer out there somewhere. surely there is a cure. surely i dont have to live the rest of my life like this. surely this is not all there is.