Had enough

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nessa456, Jun 15, 2012.

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  1. nessa456

    nessa456 Active Member

    I am a 46 year old female and I've had depression on and off throught my adult years, mainly because I have a lot of problems interacting with people. It's like an acute form of social phobia and when I get depressed I become agoraphobic, as has happened now.

    I feel I look weird/unattractive and that this has had a big effect on how people act towards me. I was also diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome at age 37 and while this gave some kind of explanation for my problems interacting with people I still feel it's mainly all down to how I look as I've interacted with other people with Aspergers on discussion forums and in real life and none of them seem to have such a problem as myself.

    I have a malocclusion of the jaw which means my teeth don't meet and it makes my face look long. I feel people judge me as not looking 'normal' enough and it's constantly on my mind. I went to see an orthodontist about having it fixed but he said for all the work they'd have to do the change wouldn't be that noticeable. It's as if the problem isn't taken that seriously by others/not seen as that much of a difference but to me it's a major thing that seems to impact a lot on my interactiosn with others. I have become paranoid and developed a major complex about my face and whatever the truth of the matter I can't change these thoughts.

    It means I have generally only been leaving the house when I've had to but with the return of my depression I haven't even been able to attend the Drs for the last two appointments and had to have a home visit from the Dr today. She has prescribed a higher dose of my anti-depressants and Diazepam - which I've never taken before.
    Someone from the chemist is meant to be bringing the medication round today.

    I feel in a state of depression and near-unbearable agitation and it's worse in the mornings.

    I feel I've been here so many times before and each time gets worse as my capacity to beat it seems to be wearing out.

    I want to belive that a higher dose of the anti-depressants and the Diazepam will work but part of me feels it's hopeless.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are feeling so low hun depression is so hard to beat on your own try the meds ok and keep talking here I know it is hard hun but keep fighting okay
  3. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    Honey, a home visit from your doctor seems like a better choice. i do hope a higher dose of the anti-depressants will make things easier for you, even just a little bit. When you are not or less depressed, i'm sure you'll gain strength to fight again.

    honey... do you have a hobby? what is the thing that gives you joy in life. there must be something you love to do.
    keep doing it.
    as for me, i don't socialize that much and don't have many friends but i love gardening and dogs. you can hold on these little things through your most difficult moments.

    there's a place for everybody in the world but sometimes it takes some effort and patience to find that place.

    be strong for yourself please. hugs xxx
  4. nessa456

    nessa456 Active Member

    Thanks for your replies pppqp and total eclipse, I really appreciate having support from people

    I am really worried as my medication wasn't brought round by the pharmcy as the dr said

    My partner rang the Drs and they said they had the prescription so we don't know if the prescription has even reached the pharmacy
    I've just taken my last tablet so this might mean I don't get any more until Monday

    I feel what more can go wrong in my life!

    I have a horrible feeling of agitation each morning until I take my tablet - as if I'm going to do something desperate like walk into traffice or something - it's like my mind isn't in control

    This is why I wanted the Dr to admit me to hospital but she seemed to think I could manage on the medication - but if the medication hasn't been delivered what am I meant to do?!

    Update - I've just rung the chemist and he said he'll bring the medication round this morning - that is a big relief!
  5. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear that :hug:
  6. nessa456

    nessa456 Active Member

    Thanks :)

    I took a Diazepam tablet last night and they make you feel very relaxed and sleepy and I took another this
    morning as well as my anti-depressant

    I've only been given 7 anti-depressant tablets though and she assumed I had some of my 37.5mg tablets left as I'm meant
    to take a 75mg one in morning and a 37.5mg one at night to increase my doseage

    With only taking the 75mg one I'm not raising the dose

    I will need to make a Drs appt ASAP next week to get the right tablets - at least this will get me out of the house
    after 3 weeks inside!
  7. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    I just want to give you a hug and I hope things get better for you!!!! I think you are very strong.
  8. nessa456

    nessa456 Active Member

    Thanks sadguy - that means a lot to me
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