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Had I known how to save a life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shyfear, Nov 28, 2007.

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  1. Shyfear

    Shyfear Well-Known Member

    I've decided that I'm going to suicide tonight. I've put it off too many times for other people who needed me and I think it's time I do it for myself.
    I hate this guilty feeling I constantly have. I know people love me, well some, there are those certain people who treat me like shit, but anyway I hate to leave them but I just dont see the point in living in misery. I've always thought about the future and honestly, I just cant see me going out and helping suicidal people as a suicidologist, I cant even help anyone on here! I'm just so awkward and stupid. I can't think, and people generally think I'm retarded and stupid.
    I'm tired of the worries of this world, they've always consumed me. Hell, I'm even afraid of something as pathetic as using the bathroom (I live in a dorm and share one with 28 girls). I'm so tired of living in fear and depression. And I'm tired of the pity everyone gives me because my sister suicided. I hate pity, I like respect but when professors look at me with that face thinking "awwh that poor girl is a living tragedy."
    I'm just hoping that I succeed. But with my luck I know I wont. Either way I'm trying until I'm dead.
    Funny thing is that I haven't been this excited in so long. I'll be able to see my sister again, I just miss her so much.
    Mom, Dad, and Barry, I'm so sorry to put you through this again. I just cant do it anymore. I hope you can forgive me..
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    How do you know that you don't help others here? Your words and feelings are understood here the best by those you have tried to help. We are all in some sort of pain and hate the thought of the future misery. But we depend on each other to help ease those feelings. Just by answering a single thread, you helped somebody. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. And you know first hand the anguish a family feels at such a loss. Please let me try and help you with your pain. At this point, you really have nothing to loose right? It just means delaying your "plan". Can you let me try?
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