hahaha, I'm an idiot.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Puzzled, Jun 12, 2008.

  1. Puzzled

    Puzzled Member

    So basically my girlfriend dumped me 3 weeks ago, the day after prom, about 20 minutes after i took her out shopping, and 3 hours after we had sex 3 times in a row and slept in the same bed (only high school... so yeah... not everyday), that and 3 days ago I started writing a song for her.... my first ever and told her about it....... So yes, even if she was saying "No, I just don't have feelings for you anymore" I know its complete bull because she met another guy (she told me this), and she obviously used me for my money, for her own gains, and maybe even for my dick (As quick as I am to jump to using me for money, the sex part doesn't jump out because that actually would make me feel good about how I am in bed, I find this hilarious). So I mean, at first I was pretty bummed because she said it was only a break. The break ended up destroying my mind, she made it official and I felt better since I could now officially never look, speak, or come in contact with this person who gave less than half a shit about my feelings. That and the unknown didn't bother me as much. So after she officially ended it about two weeks ago, I felt a lot better. Went back to living my life and such.

    But the funny part is even though I'm back to normal, my normal is usually bad. I'm on the verge of actual depression because I am wacky about relationships. I've always been dependent on a girlfriend, if I'm single I never stop longing for someone. I can't be happy without one, believe me, I've tried. I have a good life, I've realized most of my dreams which makes me pretty proud, most people don't realize too many dreams. I mean.... obviously dreams I can reach at this point in my life.... not career dreams, or dreams of a family, or money. I'm talking I've lived dreams I could accomplish now, everything musical that I've hoped for has come to me, I play lead guitar in two bands, I run a successful website, at least successful in my eyes, and by several hundred other pairs. I have a bunch of great friends when just a year ago I had less than half that I have now. Its just.... as much as I love it all, I transfix on relationships and can't concentrate on anything else. If I'm single I feel worthless, especially after being dumped. I'm trying my best to talk to girls... but I just freeze up. I can't even approach them, hell I can't even do it over myspace, that makes me feel pretty depressed. I have no idea why I can't, its only with girls now.... I used to be shy with everything, but recently as I said, I play in bands... I play in front of a lot of people, thats a really outgoing thing to do. I look at the crowd too, have fun, don't feel awkward. I can speak well in front of crowds, with school work and shit, I can keep a steady voice and not even feel nervous. Its just with girls... its impossible.

    So basically, at this point I hit a new low, I searched google "place to meet teens" searched, got to the second page and started laughing at how stupid I am. I'm sure any sites like a "teen eharmony" dont exist, or were banned. Most "pedophilic" thing I've ever done, even if I'm looking for girls my age. But seriously, any advice folks?
  2. starchild

    starchild Well-Known Member

    Can I ask what is the longest you have been without a girlfriend? It seems as though you feel you are dependant on having one all the time. It's good that you have other things in your life that you enjoy doing and are confident about participating in - perhaps you could apply more of a focus on these things that you enjoy, not to take your mind off girls per say, but to further explore the other things in life that stimulate you mentally. Plus, it is through these kinds of activities that you can easilly meet girls and find other like-minded people.
  3. Puzzled

    Puzzled Member

    thats what I like to think, but wouldn't you know the period I've been single has ben the biggest dry spell when it comes to gigging that I've had in a while.... I've gone about 2 months single after having my first girlfriend, but before her I was horribly depressed because I had never had one....