I don't want to die. I just want to start over. The last 5 years have just been too rough. I've gone from one bad thing to the other with only one good thing interrupting the flow of bad. But I just feel like it will never get any better. I look to the future and I don't see much worth living for. My partner, marriage. Kids, maybe, but even that's been made significantly more difficult by various medical problems and mental health problems. I love him, I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to leave him. And he is so worth living for. But there's just so much bad stuff. I feel overwhelmed by it all. By the present and the future. I just don't want it. I just want to press the restart button on life. I'll re-do this life and not make the mistakes I made that led me to where I am today. Or I'll take another life. I don't mind. I don't want to die but I know how I'm going to do it. If I can get the courage up to do it. And I know when I'm going to do it. Again, courage dependant. It'll be in the next few weeks. Once I've ironed out the plan. Maybe I'll die and be re-born. Maybe I won't die but the near-death experience will be enough to help me re-start. To make things better. Whatever, I've half a plan. It's getting there.