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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by No Hope No Meaning, Apr 19, 2013.

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  1. No Hope No Meaning

    No Hope No Meaning New Member


    So im the biggest mess ull ever know, im bipolar,i have a very hard case of panic disorder, I,m depressed, ugly, not smart, autistic, anty social, have damage to my heart liver and kidneys and circulation problem and in addition have no money to live on, i only like sleeping staying in bed.

    Im a nice person but nobody will ever like me or even look straight in the eyes because of my looks and geeky personality. I just got fired from work 2 weeks ago, it was the only thing that i had that was holding me together and giving my life a little bit sence and point. Now im a total 0. I can't be homeless, im to week for it. So probably do the worst thing to my grandmother she is the only one who really loves me as a person) i can do witch brakes my heart the most i will probably have to end this.

    The weirdest part about it is that the only good felling/ positive feeling i get is about thinking about killing myself, nothing more will bother me, nobody will laught at me, nobody will look with piety at me. I wont have to look at normal people and cry and be somewhat angry "Why are they chosen ove me" inside that that is how i would like to live just a little taste ( it must be amazing). Just having real friends, dating, kissing a girl and having a family would be nothing better in the universe.I would give anything to have 1 normal day with a normal body and face (know many friends i would like to be just a few hours), ANYTHING. But i cant even go out my home and not think of bad things. When i do people just make fun of me like in 10th grade or even more, they laugh at my face, girls and normal people to, always, i can give you and guarantee that someone will disrespect me in a public place every 30-60 min.You can try but ultimately you cant ignore it, its the worst feeling when you know normal people are just looking at you out of ciuriosoty, not in a evil way, but just because your the modern elephant-man(freak) I thought when i was younger i could ignore it, be happy with no human interaction, because thats not all in life, there is also so many incredible things like amazing nature, views, smells, tastes, and so many different things to explore and live but with nobody to share it with it is all nothing. The Worst part is i dont believe in god anymore. How could he create me like this if he loves me, every day is full of pain and terrifying for me. So i got fired, i got money for 1 week. Im so afraid but i have been preparing for this moment for 8 years almost. I got no money, got no friends ( not even 1 little friend ( except my old dog witch i love more then anything or anyone else)) got no hope, only thing that could change my lie is some medical help for my face so i could live like a normal 20 year old and go to collegue and mke friends, thats all i ever wanted.
    I just feel so hopeless and want this all to end. I think after a long time i finally came to this decisions, and i feel more calm then i ever felt, i think it is time to start saying goodbay, last walks, last recalling best childhood memories, last joint in the woods, last just doing anything. I somewhat feel happines

    Love you all and hope all your problems someday go away, and will be able just to enjoy a normal day on this what have should been wonderful world.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2013
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am sorry things are so horribly painful for you. I cant help but think that somewhere there are people who have a good kind caring heart, like you have, who would not care one bit about those things you write about such as appearance. I wish I lived 9in CA so I could know their system. And then I could help you to find support which you so deserve. Please try to make this your community. Its a good community. And I would like for you to give us a real chance. Please try to hold on. Be here posting as often as needed. So many people here have a large list of things they are contending with. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2013
  3. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Like Flowers I have no knowledge of what help there is for you in Canada. I'm glad you found us and think you need other help and support as well. Have you tried a crisis or help line?
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2013
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    here are some crisis lines you can call for support ok hugs

    CRISIS LINE 250-563-1214 or 1-888-562-1214

    YOUTH LINE 250-564-8336 or 1-888-564-8336

    Listing of BC Crisis Lines

    Wherever you are in British Columbia, there are people available to help.
    Please refer to the table below to find the Crisis Line closest to you.

    BC CRISIS LINES – June 27th, 2012







    CTC Telecare Crisis & Caring Line (Christian Line)

    24 Hours


    British Columbia




    Aboriginal Crisis Line (KUU-US Crisis Line)

    24 Hours

    Port Alberni

    British Columbia



    CHIMO Crisis Line

    16 Hours (8 am to midnight)


    Richmond, South Delta,

    Ladner & Tsawwassen



    Crisis Prevention, Inter-

    vention and Information

    Centre for Northern BC

    24 Hours

    Prince George

    Northern BC from Quesnel to Yukon border; Alberta border to Haida Gwaii (QCI)






    Crisis Intervention & Suicide Prevention Centre of BC

    24 Hours


    Vancouver, North Vancouver city & district, Bowen Island, West Vancouver, Powell River & area, Sunshine Coast, Squamish, Whistler, Pemberton, Howe Sound-Sea to Sky Corridor


    604-872-1113 (TTY)





    Fraser Health Crisis Line

    24 Hours


    Burnaby to Boston Bar




    Interior Crisis Line Network:

    PIN Crisis Line (Vernon)

    Kelowna Crisis Line

    East Kootenay Crisis Line

    West Kootenay Boundary Regional Crisis Line

    Crisis & Counselling





    Williams Lake

    From Alberta & USA border to Golden (East Kootenays). West Kootenay/Boundary region incl. Trail, Rossland, Nelson, Castlegar, Grand Forks, Nakusp, Salmo. North & South Okanagan incl. Vernon, Kelowna, Pentiction. Osoyoos, Revelstoke. Thompson Region incl. Kamloops, Merritt, Salmon Arm, Barriere, Cache Creek. 100 Mile House to Bella Coola and all regions in between.


    New Interior

    Crisis Line



    Ext. 36


    Ext. 2040

    KUU-US Crisis Line
    24 Hours

    Port Alberni

    Provincial Aboriginal Line & Port Alberni


    Provincial Aboriginal Line



    North Island Crisis & Counselling Centre
    24 Hours

    Port Hardy

    Serving Mt. Waddington Area



    S.U.C.C.E.S.S. Chinese Help Lines
    10 am to 10 pm





    Vancouver Island Crisis Society
    24 Hours


    All of Vancouver Island

    *Please note that Nanaimo is the access point for emergency mental health services for Vancouver Island**




    The BC Dstress Line Network can be reached province-wide at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2013
  5. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    I am glad you have found us and taken the first step towards getting some help.

    I don't want to repeat what the other posters have said, but I was going to ask about your support system, too. You mention your grandmother - what about any other family close by?

    eclipse, that was so nice of you to take the time to post all that information. I hope you will try to call some of those numbers. It would be a good start.

    Feel free to PM me if you would like to chat some more.

    By the way, what is your dog's name?
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2013
  6. J__Doe17

    J__Doe17 Member

    I'm suicidal too. But I'll miss you, cuse u sem awesome and awesome people like u do not die or kill themselves. you WILL live you hear me?
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2013
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forums :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2013
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF. Make yourself at home around here :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2013
  9. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Welcome so SF, hope you find what you need here.

    Take Care

    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2013
  10. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Welcome to this Forum - be strong and be brave. Call the phone numbers in BC that was written above. Call all the numbers one by onbe and someone will help you. The world is not as cruel as you think. It seems to me that you think too low of yourself. You are not as ugly as you think. It is not a crime to be poor or unemployed. I have been unemployed many times in my life and I am unemployed now also.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2013
  11. No Hope No Meaning

    No Hope No Meaning New Member

    It makes me cry so bad, like never, i should hear this things from my family and friends not strangers thatdont even know thereal me
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2013
  12. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I hope that someday you can see the real you even though your family may well not.

    There is a theory that if 10 people were in the same room listening to, lets say a teacher talk, they each would report they heard something different. This is because we interpret things according to what our own perspective and experiences are. Families can share a perspective. They can believe it to be absolutely true. This does not mean it is true.

    I hope you will keep posting here.
  13. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    hello and welcome to the forum x
  14. No Hope No Meaning

    No Hope No Meaning New Member

    about to become homeless,<edit mod total eclipse > hope maybe someone will help, you may save a persons life or at least extend it a bit.... why cant i just die with a stroke in 2 sek.....
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 28, 2013
  15. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You live in Canada as i am and you can apply for help from government get disability support get workmen comp get severance pay there is many ways to get help. Contact government workmen comp board in your area you said you worked so you can claim unemployment benefits as well.
  16. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    welcome to the sf board
  17. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    Hello and welcome to the forums.
    I suffer from bi polar myself and it's a struggle.
    Please call those numbers, don't give up!

    Please feel free to pm me if you ever need anyone to talk too.
    hugs! :)
  18. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    i hope things improve for you shortly x
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