Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by helterskelter, Apr 20, 2010.

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  1. helterskelter

    helterskelter Member

    Ok so here it goes...
    Yesterday I was a mess... I could feel things building up inside me and knew something was going wrong. I read most of my day and it came 22:00 without me even realizing, because I've been to distracted lately to keep track of time.
    Anyway, I spoke on the phone to a friend like most days and after the call ended I fell apart, the feelings where really overwhelming and I just lay in bed looking at the ceiling for 1 hour without moving just crying my eyes out and having the weird feeling my body was empty and that's why it was crying... Fuck knows why I was crying it has been more then one month crying myself to sleep for no specific reason. My eyes were blurred and kept getting out of focus, then I kept seeing shadows moving around and sometimes lights, sometimes they looked like worms and sometimes it was like smoke or stains that moved as if they where breathing and it was at its own pace. I thought to myself ''that's it I lost my mind for good now, I knew it was coming and here it is'' I tried turning the lights off and that didn't help at all, I had these colour explosions in my eyes, blue green yellow and pink and when the dark would settle I saw the shadows moving again as if they where shaking as if everything in the room was still but the fucking shadow wouldn't stay still.
    I remember having this same feeling 6 years ago, and at the time I just tried to forget about it, I remember how I closed my eyes hoping it would go away and when I opened I saw someone that didn't look like a human staring at me and I couldn't move and felt as I would actually die from fear at that moment.
    I'm so fucking confused. I'm so scared I will go bananas as I always thought I would, I don't want help I just want to die. I tried ignoring seeing stuff that isn't there I prefer not to believe in god or spirits or any of that stuff because it just scares the crap out of me.
    Ok enough now, I guess the point of this was just to get it out of my system because I never spoke about this to anyone, at least not seriously, maybe would be nice to hear from people that maybe feel the same way or felt it at some point, maybe some tips on how to cope with this shit. I don't know
  2. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    Well, I can't answer to whether or not any of your experiences have anything to do with God or spirits. You said you'd prefer not to believe in God, but are you completely against any sort of prayer for protection? Just a simple, "I don't know if you're real God, but please protect me from evil?" Even if this has nothing to do with anything in the spiritual realm, it might give you some comfort from the fear.

    This may be a bit simplistic, but could this be a physical issue? Lack of sleep, dehydration, low or high blood glucose, or a reaction to meds could cause these symptoms, as could illness. Could this be the problem?

    In any case, I hope you are feeling better.
  3. helterskelter

    helterskelter Member

    I am not on meds was suppose to be taking sertraline everyday but I never have been on meds and am waiting to see if i can get better without them. I didn't take any drugs and had slept fine the last night. And know the fear is in my head and refuse to pray out of desperation to a god, fairy tale, magic solution or anything of sorts. lol thanks for replying anyway I think ignoring is gonna have to do once again :)
  4. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    when i get really stressed i hallucinate. stupid isnt it. dont really admit to folk, but i see shadows, usually mice?!! yes silly but it scares me to death. i am 100% certain that there there in my bedroom, i hear them and see the shadows.

    Perhaps your stressed atm? Why dont you want to try meds? Is there any reason why you felt like this the last time 6 years ago?

    I hope you feel better tonight, donnax
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