Lately the idea of suicide is becoming prevalent and overwhelming. I've always promised myself it would remain an option only if I felt that I had completely failed at life. Well, I'm now at that point. Hope has indeed abandoned me for a more faithful companion... Here's my story; first the vital stats: I'm a 38 yo male, never married, no kids, no girlfriend, no friends period anymore. All the friends from my youth are married and/or moved away. I work full-time as a truck driver hauling dangerous goods (acids and explosives). I try to analyze my life as objectively as possible, so here it is: The Good- good health clean-cut attractive looks and build (so I've been told) I earn a well above average income My core personality is quiet, gentle and nice I live a clean lifestyle (non-smoker, drinker, drug user) I'm fairly intelligent I have good morals The Bad- very negative attitude I hate my looks I hate my job (alone all day 6 days/wk) very long hours I have a ton of false pride I come across as arrogant, cold, and aloof I've conditioned myself to bury my emotions in most situations In general, I just see myself as being ugly inside and out and incapable of receiving or deserving anyone's love. I used to enjoy hobbies (all solitaire of course), but I basically lost all interest in what once gave me enjoyment, or at least, contentment. I feel I have accomplished all I can. Nothing brings me enjoyment anymore...absolutely nothing. Like so many others, much of my depression stems from lack of success with women. I never dated in high school but did a little dating in my early-mid 20's, but have done none since. Admittedly, bitterness has drastically changed my entire personality. It now shows clearly in my face; I just look sour and miserable. My interactions with women are absolutely nil; no small talk, no flirting, I try to avoid them whenever I can, and they do the same with me. This is hard to deal with because I'm still very attracted to them, but I just can't show it. Nothing emaciates a man more knowing he can't attract a woman. Well, I've said all I care to. If I can't turn this ship around soon then it's all over...thanks for letting me vent.