I feel like I am hanging on by a thread, and every day I am terrified that it is going to snap. Sometimes it seems like it is stronger while other days it is so weak I think one deep breath and it will snap. Today is one of those bad days in witch I feel like I can not breath to hard, Ever sense I can remember I have had bad thoughts of wanting to end it, I have even tried a few times but some how I have managed to keep going, waking up the next morning getting out of bed and just getting through it the best to my ability. I have been with my partner for four years, she is the love of my life. I can not explain the feelings I have towards her we both suffer from depression and today I told her she better never leave me, she replied by saying she is not strong enough and that she has tried to end it before. I know when she was younger she went through a really bad bout of depression and she tried lot's of different things but hearing her say that. That she was not brave enough, not that she didn't want to or that she loved me to much but that she did not have the bravery really hit me cold in the heart. What happens if she does one day get brave enough? What if one day she decides enough is enough. She is the one thing I hang onto when things are really bad, I tell her to keep going and to hold on because I need to hear those things as well and she is my rock. I feel so selfish and hypocritical because as I am writing this I want to end it, before her. Not as a competition or because of anything aside from the fact that I can not be in this world without her. She is my best friend, we have been through allot of the same hard ships and had allot of the same experiences in life and I have no idea how I would get by without her. I hate that she is feeling the same things as I am feeling because I know how much it hurts and how much it takes over and consumes you and I just want her to be free. I want too be free.