Hanging.

[lost_child]

The feelings don't ease or go away..suicide is always around, always there in my mind. I have flashbacks, constent flashbacks. I keep dissociating..I'm here but most of the time I'm not "present". When I've thought of death, suicide, its always been with pills or crashing my car. I'm home alone this weekend..planned everything, not with pills, but the drawings I've been doing, and the images I keep having of me are of me hanging myself. I can't get the thoughts out of my head.

For a few days I've been laughing, happy, content, but i've stopped eating. PPl that have seen me, have said how much lighter i seem..and I do. I feel very calm, within myself. I understand what I'm going to do, I'm not scared, I don't feel anything towards anyone.

 

[dazzle11215]

hi lost_child, i'm glad you posted. i remember you were seeing a counsellor for a while, right, although she was taking some time off ?

there may be some comfort in the thoughts you are having, who wouldn't take comfort in the hope that the pain wilil end, but please don't act on these thoughts.

it takes incredible strength to have survived so much already. i know you probably can't see it right now, and i doubt you'll even believe me, but each day you keep going gives me, and others, hope.

your friends might be relieved at your change in attitude, but at SF we know better. your plans are made. please reconsider,

catherine

 

[Petal]

i could have wrote that...i can so relate :hug:

 

[lost_child]

My counselllor is off until 1st week of march. it doesn't dfeel like survival when you have flashbacks everyday, the moment you settle, everything arpound you triggeres. I tried to speak to the person I saw today, but I couldn't i just shut down and pretend everything is ok..when its not.

 

[lost_child]

laying on my bed, realising i've nothing, I keep saying it, hoping ti might realise there is something, but there's nothing. there really isn't.. I'm tired of life. I'm tired of living in silence and not being able to speak, trapped in darkness..as I walk the shadows of death, I see no evil....and I'm ready to walk.

 

[Dave_N]

Please don't do this lost_child. If you go through with this plan, then the people that hurt you will win. You're a survivor and you have survived many hardships. Please hold on.