The feelings don't ease or go away..suicide is always around, always there in my mind. I have flashbacks, constent flashbacks. I keep dissociating..I'm here but most of the time I'm not "present". When I've thought of death, suicide, its always been with pills or crashing my car. I'm home alone this weekend..planned everything, not with pills, but the drawings I've been doing, and the images I keep having of me are of me hanging myself. I can't get the thoughts out of my head. For a few days I've been laughing, happy, content, but i've stopped eating. PPl that have seen me, have said how much lighter i seem..and I do. I feel very calm, within myself. I understand what I'm going to do, I'm not scared, I don't feel anything towards anyone.