i'm not sure if it's just that i'm extremely unlucky.. but whenever i get excited or the least bit happy about anything.. something bad happens and my mood just plummets.. and i feel anxious and upset.. almost makes me not want to be happy again because then something bad might happen again..
the same thing happens when i meet friends.. everything would be fine for awhile.. i'll be happy and excited to talk to them.. then suddenly they will stop talking to me.. be too busy.. and i'd be the only one waiting always for them to talk to me.. always me pestering for time.. and attention.. no one ever really needs me.. i'm sort of like that one friend you're really not that close to.. but you talk to sometimes when your really close friends are not around.. sort of like a substitute.. that's me.. all the time.. that's why from now on.. i won't try to get too close to anyone.. because when i get too close they run away.. and that hurts so much.. i don't want any of that anymore..
maybe i'm not just supposed to be happy.. i should just be neutral about everything.. i was a bit happy and excited awhile ago.. i feel wanted.. but look at me now.. i'm upset and sad again.. life just always reminds me that it's awful.. and that's just how it is.. i should accept it..
the same thing happens when i meet friends.. everything would be fine for awhile.. i'll be happy and excited to talk to them.. then suddenly they will stop talking to me.. be too busy.. and i'd be the only one waiting always for them to talk to me.. always me pestering for time.. and attention.. no one ever really needs me.. i'm sort of like that one friend you're really not that close to.. but you talk to sometimes when your really close friends are not around.. sort of like a substitute.. that's me.. all the time.. that's why from now on.. i won't try to get too close to anyone.. because when i get too close they run away.. and that hurts so much.. i don't want any of that anymore..
maybe i'm not just supposed to be happy.. i should just be neutral about everything.. i was a bit happy and excited awhile ago.. i feel wanted.. but look at me now.. i'm upset and sad again.. life just always reminds me that it's awful.. and that's just how it is.. i should accept it..