I'm in a really strange point in my life right now. On one side of my head, I feel happy and excited and on the other side, I'm mightly depressed. Let's see if I can explain this. Last month I took what I think is the most positive step in my life. I'm a writer and have written many screenplays and books (although I'm not published). Taking advice from someone, I did some reseach on an online self-publishing venture and it looks really good. I've been working on setting up the layout and cover design for my latest book, I've haven't spent much money on it, and I'm well on my way to getting my first book online for sale (I did a lot of research, so I'm not worried that I'm gonna get screwed by these people). This, of course, makes me excited. But while I'm waiting to see what happens next, I can't ignore the evidence around me that things are shit: no job, no money, no companionship and I can't kid myself that I'll make a mint on this book; I did it because I always wanted to be published. I'm also worried because now I'm moving into the next phase, of trying to actually sell my work to people who don't know me. I've got quite a few people who will buy the book because I'm their friend, but I'm gonna have to put mysefl out there and try to get into bookshops, libraries, anything to get people's attention. This scares the shit out of me because I'm building it up so much that if I blow it, it will really hurt. So, I'm of two minds these days. It's a weird feeling.