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Happiness before Suicide?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by soon2bforgotten, Jun 22, 2011.

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  1. soon2bforgotten

    soon2bforgotten Well-Known Member

    This is pretty much a question for those who have had suicide attempts. Although, anyone can answer.

    Right before going through with it, have you felt happiness? Like peaceful inside? That's where I am right now. It might sound weird or even disturbing, I don't know. I'm still scared. I just feel so calm in a way. But this thread isn't about me. I'm just interested in what anyone else has to say.
  2. ALoveLetterAway

    ALoveLetterAway Active Member

    I can understand that. A friend of my mum's committed suicide, but weeks/days before it happened, he seemed really happy. (Granted that he was always really upbeat, but nobody knew how unhappy he was until it happened.)

    I've never actaully attempted it, but when I seriously thought about doing it and had everything planned, I did feel happier, or at least relieved.

    Sorry for rambling. :S
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I haven't experienced it personally, but a feeling of peace is considered to be one of the most important warning signs of an impending suicide...
  4. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    im sure the feeling of peace comes from the hope that the misery and turmoil of life will soon be over. the only thing that calms me down now is the thought of death.
  5. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    Yes, feeling at peace and calm is the most important sign. It indicates that you have already gotten over the 'to be or not to be' question and sincerely want to end your life. My doctor once asked to stay at hospital for a period of time since she detected that I was totally devoid of emotion. I felt calm because all the feelings such as anger, sadness that had been nagging at me earlier were all gone. I think you need to get help asap. Hugs
  6. soon2bforgotten

    soon2bforgotten Well-Known Member

    Well, I just had some tears in the shower. Guess I'm not as calm as I thought. Doesn't matter what I do. As soon as I think about my Mother's death, It destroys me. Doesn't change anything though. Help wouldn't do anything for me. I'm lost. Thanks for everyone for sharing.
  7. ALoveLetterAway

    ALoveLetterAway Active Member

    No, hun, it's not too late. It might feel like you're lost and there's nothing else to do but there is. Just give yourself time.
  8. soon2bforgotten

    soon2bforgotten Well-Known Member

    I appreciate it, but It is too late. Tonight was another sign that It's time for me to leave this world. My friend wanted to set me up with one of her girlfriends. I'm 22 and have NEVER experienced what love is like. I didn't have my hopes up but this was really my last chance. Met her tonight at my friends house. No interest was shown at all. Better this way anyway.
  9. UsedToBe

    UsedToBe Well-Known Member

    True. It feels so happy inside. And I'm no longer scared of my thoughts...
  10. ALoveLetterAway

    ALoveLetterAway Active Member

    It isn't, I promise. It wasn't a sign to leave, it was a sign to keep trying, and to reach out. Please, please, don't hurt yourself. I know for a fact that there's a lot of people out there who care about you.

    And hey, PM me anytime if you want to talk. I'm here a lot.
  11. Naskin

    Naskin New Member

    It is true, to a certain Point,
    I feel,happy, relieved. But soon after I feel bad again, which is something I don't like to put myself through.

    I dunno if that helps, I'm in the same place as you, but don't give up, and don't do anything when u feel bad, just try to sleep it off. It always helps me.
  12. soon2bforgotten

    soon2bforgotten Well-Known Member

    I don't want to keep trying. It hurts too much and I can't take it anymore. I know the little family I have left will care. They will move past it since I'm not needed at all. I see what my Mother's death did to them. She was and still is so needed, I'm not. I've never been close to any of them. My mother was all I ever had. I can't take seeing that "look" on their face anymore. I can see it in their eyes, how worried they are. My uncle said that he doesn't believe I can make it on my own, he's right.
  13. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    If you can see the worry in their eyes then that in itself shows you that they care and that you are needed. You are young at 22 and you have so much time to reach out for help, find happiness and find love. It sounds like you are grieving very badly over the passing of your mother and I cannot imagine how painful that must be but try and get some bereavement counselling. It will lessen the pain and help you come to terms over your mothers passing. If you need to talk just drop me a PM I will be more than happy to listen.
  14. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    Maybe the happiness is just your bodies way of trying to accept what you are considering doing to yourself. I'd rather die happy then be tormented until the very end. However every time I have attempted I wasn't happy. I guess it's different for other people.
  15. letmedisappear

    letmedisappear Well-Known Member

    This may sound really strange, but the whole time I was preparing and even minutes before I was going to go through with the act, I was absolutely blissful. I literally had a smile on my face, I even laughed a few times out of sheer joy. I was convinced that what I was doing that night would be absolutely perfect, everything was right, my imminent death will be absolutely flawless and blissful and perfect... But it was a friend who talked me out of it. It seems like you too have friends that care about you. I mean, one even tried to set you up, so they must care about your well-being. Honestly, it's more my friends that keep me here than my family. Talk to your friends, see if they can help. I doubt they won't be eager to talk. Just give it a shot :)
  16. bookmark

    bookmark Member

    I don't believe in signs. When something goes wrong though I say to myself "there you go, another reason" but I think it is just adding up disappointments. you know the saying, S%$t Happens.
  17. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    You feel happiness as this is something that you want to do - but in reality this is not actually happiness, as you've said you are also scared - so this feeling of happiness actually hides other feelings inside.

    Crying is good, it helps a lot - when you want to cry just let yourself to cry. Your mothers death is something that will make you feel very sad, this is acceptable.

    You feel lost as you say, do you have other family members and friends?

    There are no signs reality - think of these as tests, your friend wanted to help you find a girlfriend - ok it didn't work out at the end - thats fine, we can't expect everyone to like us. Also maybe at the first meeting she will not show interest but in the next meetings she may become more interested as she learns about you, what does she know about you up to now?

    Both yourself and your mother are needed, your mother unfortunately isn't here - your family needs and wants you however, they care about you as you also said. Have you thought about visiting a therapist? You seem to me that you need someone to talk to, to trust but you don't really seem to have one currently.
  18. soon2bforgotten

    soon2bforgotten Well-Known Member

    Have a little family left. I'm not close to any of them though. Few friends.

    She knows whatever my friend told her. I might see her again later today at my friends house, shes supposed to come over sometime. My friend still wants me to try. Going to the movies tomorrow night with her, another friend whos also her boyfriend and that girlfriend she wants to set me up with. She actually hasnt asked her if she'll come yet but she said she'll make sure she goes. I still don't have any hope for this. The girl is so beautiful and sweet, she deserves someone who can make her happy. I could never do that.

    I have zero interest in a therapist. I can't talk about my true feelings without mentioning my wish to die. They almost put me in a psych ward 2 weeks after my mother had died. I managed to get everyone off my back by lying about everything. It wont work a second time if anyone thinks I'm suicidal again. I was able to talk to someone on here about everything. That's good enough for me. That way noone and nothing could stop me.
  19. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    It's been about 12 years since the last time that I actually attempted, but I remember that what I felt right before doing it was fear. As a Christian, I grew up being taught that if a person commits suicide, they can't be forgiven for it and therefore can't go to heaven, and that's why I was scared. That's truly the only thing that has stopped me from attempting again. (I hope I didn't offend anybody by talking about religion, but I felt I needed to give my reason for being scared when I attempted)
  20. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    This is pretty 'normal' thinking.. I guess..., I hope
    When I was about to 'do it' weeks ago, I felt some kind of hope or 'happiness' as you call it. It only took me 2 hours to decided before doing it, "I am going to", and there I was 'doing it', but failed though:rolleyes: Im no ghostly type but will see... I say 2 weeks, then I Will do it. but, sorry all, I dont have the 'tools' ready, yet. So 2 weeks, 1 ½... No more,
    No more suffering!

    They are killing us, Me you, Us!
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