Happy Anniversary?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Apr 8, 2008.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    So 3 of my 5 attempts ( of which I was hospitalized for) the first 3 all occurred within this week of time ( the 1st April 7, the 2nd April 10 and the 3rd April 11) spread over a span of 4 years. So I guess this is an anniversary for me. But the thing is I've been fighting my suicidal urges and thoughts so much in the last 2 weeks or so. I started drinking again after fighting that demon for awhile. I cut pretty bad after not doing that too for a bit. Spring is trying to peek out here, but I could care less. I could pretty much care less about everything right now. Whatever it is about this week in time, it seems to be pulling me in again. And I dont know, it just feels like giving up the fight would be so much easier and rewarding right now. It's like it's inevidible. Dont even really know why I posted this, just trying to find something I guess but I dont know what the Hell that is. God, the confusion hurts so much!!!!! Somebody please make it stop!!!! Cuz I only know one way and I'm about ready to go that route.
     
  2. Lost Forever

    Lost Forever Well-Known Member

    Haven't you ever thought, that if you're still alive after 5 attempts it's not your time to go away?
     
  3. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    please dont go that way hun, i know what your saying and how you are feeling right now , talk to those who understand the pain and the torment including me, let me stand by your side when you need a helping hand as you have done for me. The turmoil of suicidal thoughts can be so confusing and sometimes the confusion itself seems to drive us towards that edge , just wanting to escape to find peace of mind, but inside we find the strength and we see another day. Please look deep within find a little strength and stay a while becouse i as many here would, would like to see you beat this , you can you are a caring person who truely cares dont that that quality in a person be taken from this life, its one many dont posses.
    Here when you want to talk hun keep trying hugsx
     
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    carla please stop the drinking, you know what i have said about this, you really don't need it all the time hun.

    nobody here wants to see you fall again hun, we want you to try to beat this, i know you can do this.
    i have always had faith in you.

    be safe love

    andy xxx
     
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I've been down this road so many times before and damn it, it's about time to just keep taking it to the end. I've had enough of the other shit and I'm going to walk it alone like everything else in my life. Shit never mind walk, I'll gonna run with my arms in the air and yelling kiss my ass life!!!! Time to go.
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I know it seems futile and that there is no other way to escape it, but there are always options we can choose. When depression grabs us and won't let go we seek a release in about any way we can find it. Often times the release we choose to utilize acts as a catalyst and only makes the depression worse. This adds to the feelings of hopelessness. We cannot say with certainty that things will change for the better.at times this is just too unbelievable. We can believe that maybe things will change for the better. It is this maybe that can add a speck of hope. Don't follow down the path of self-destruction. You are in my thoughts. :hug:
     
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Carla. It could be an astrological thing that this time of the year is particularly bad for you. If this is true then you have to try and be as strong as you can, because these few weeks will bring many challenges for you to face. I'm glad that you're still here with us Carla, even after so many attempts (you have 9 lives after all). :smile: Talk to me when you're feeling down and I'll help you get through it. :hug:
     
  8. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    I'm just wondering what is it that is pulling you toward taking your life? :sad:
     
  9. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Carla if you are still here, please let someone know. I am so worried about you. :hug:
     
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I hope that you're ok Carla. :hug:
     
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