Hi mum, I'm terribly sorry I didnt have the chance to go visit your grave yesterday, and also that I got stoned and drunk the way I did. I should've taken a moment to myself to "celebrate" your birthday. FUCK IT! WHY!!!??? Why would I wanna celebrate your birthday? you're fucking DEAD. U are no more! jeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssss. hmpf. Nevermind me, I'm just your stupid alcoholic stoner daughter. you know the bad one, the one that drops out of uni, has no job whatsoever and makes a mess out of everything in her life. the one that HAS NO LIFE. yeh. and oh yeah I'm bisexual too. :blink: ya shocked now. you knew it all along you bitch. why did you just have to go. oh and maybe I'm still a bit under influence of some shit. I dont give a shit. hmm odd is me. fuck it. you're dead. you didnt have the right to die. you didn't. How could you just leave that guy with two little girls? Having HIM to raise us, it's no wonder I'm screwing everything up the way I do. fuck it. You shouldn't have died. I shoulda been the one who had to leave, not you. fuck you , mother.!
Sweetheart, You know how much i care for you, i care about you so much and hate seeing you like this :sad: if i could take away the way your feeling i absolutely would. I think its perfectly resonable to be angry hun, but try not to be angry at her, if she had the choice of course she would of rather be there for your dad, you and your sister. Cruel things happen in this world that no one can control. Please don't be angry at her, she didn't decide to die, you can't be mad at her for that. Sweetie i love you to bits and i just want you to be safe and happy. I'm here anytime you need me. Viks xxx
The pain of a loss like that never really goes away. I can certainly understand the anger, a mother means a lot in a persons life. The situation that you find yourself in atm though isnt going to last forever. Remember starting very soon your gonna go look for work and so on, give the booze and the drugs a little rest for a while and stabalize a bit. If you can do that youll feel a lot better about where your at, and im sure your mother will smile when she sees how youve turned it around.
I am sorry you lost your mom at such a young age ester. I am sure if it had been her choice, she would have stayed around for you. I understand your feelings of anger at her for leaving you. It is okay to think of her on special occasions. I am glad you felt you could release your feelings here. It is important for you to face them and get them out. I hope you feel better ester. Take care hun. :hug:
