As of yesterday, Im 20. Shouldve been a fun day, but most of it was spent holding back tears. I didnt even think Id make it to 18. What the hell am I still doing here? I really did want more than anything to ignore my suicidal thoughts and just have fun yesterday... But how do you do that with no friends? One person wanted to see me. And of course it was my ex girlfriend so she didnt want to stay long; understandable. But what the hell, where was my family? Oh yeah, they all left for a trip to new york that i wasnt invited to on my birthday. Awesome, guys. Its not like I never see you already. I tried to hang out by the lake and hope something fun happens, when that became too much i went home to find my grandparents had changed the garage code and i was locked out. Ended up sleeping at my ex's house just so i wouldnt be alone. But now Im awake, and remembering all the reasons another year is not worth celebrating. Happy fucking birthday.