"happy" birthday

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by justastrangegirl, Feb 24, 2014.

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  1. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    Today's my birthday... it was such a terrible day for me.. it started off horribly. I woke up cranky because I didn't sleep enough, and because I hate my birthday.. I hate all this fake attention and hypocrisy. I sat down to have breakfast and my dad grabbed me from behind and tried to bear hug me, and I froze, because I don't feel comfortable with him hugging me. According to a psychology, it's because he didn't hug me or was sweet enough with me when I was a child. Anyway, he knows that whenever he does it, I feel uncomfortable, and he kept on squeezing me, and I didn't react, so he got mad and called me a mother f***.. same with mom.. she was mad because I wasn't jumping around (and I'm not like that, I'm a quiet person).

    I only have one friend, and she's battling depression too.. and since yesterday she's been complaining on and on about her life, and I'm starting to get fed up.. all I hear is trouble.. from her, from my mom, my own problems.. I just don't see a way out of this.. I tried to find happiness, to stay positive, but today, spending my birthday home alone.. this just kills me.. my mom took my sister out 5 hours ago, and I've been alone ever since..

    I can't stop crying.. I feel like I'm a burden to everyone and that people just use me.. I know that I'm probably paranoic, but it just kills me feeling there's no one there for me, when I'm always there for everyone, I care too much and I end up suffering for and with the people I like / love.

    I'm tired of being here.. i'm tired of trying to stay strong and look at the brightside.. but today I just feel there is no brightside for me anymore.. I don't think that I'll ever be truly happy, no matter how hard I try. I would've loved to have a second chance in life.. to live, to love, to laugh, to see who I really am, because here, I'm nothing, I'm just an empty shell with a heart too big for its own good :'(

    the worst part is.. that i'm not brave enough to end this once and for all.. this would have been a perfect opportunity for me to end my suffering.. there's no one around, and probably there won't be anyone around for hours.. but i'm just a pathetic girl crying her heart out and publishing her problems online...
  2. indigo_skye

    indigo_skye Well-Known Member

    i think you are brave for coming here and talking to us. i am sorry to hear you are having such a miserable day. i am glad you are here and would miss you if you were gone. i am here if you want to talk.
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    JSG. Stop it. You are amazing in my books. Big smile and a happy birthday. Come on, it's your day don't feel low. :)
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    JSG, you are NOT pathetic but a brave person who has the guts to post on this forum. TC and respect.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 24, 2014
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you are here talking to people who do care about you on your Birthday I hope your mother and sis get home soon h ugs
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    You aren't pathetic, not by a long shot. I hate my birthday too, for similar reasons, and it's fast approaching so that makes me panic. I can understand not being enthused about this day, and others should respect your feelings. People wish me a happy birthday on Facebook, but they don't talk to me at any other time. No one calls, sends cards, visits, and I know it can be completely isolating. I know how it is to care so much for everyone, and for them to just hurt and use you in return. I'm sorry it happens to you, you're a good person and deserve more respect and caring than that. I know it's not a happy birthday, but I hope you find something you can enjoy, something that can cheer you up, no matter how small it is.
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