Happy Birthday

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Fitzy, Jan 11, 2011.

  1. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Well big brother. Tomorrow will be your 60th birthday and I bet you have a big party - wife, kids, big sister, her kids and their kids, friends. Bet they all say what a wonderful person you are.
    But little sister knows the truth!
    You sexually abused me. You made me feel dirty, shameful, self-loathing, scared, mistrustful, damaged, unloved, unloveable, worthless, mad, depressed, suicidal, angry, guilty, dead inside, alcohol dependent, eating disordered, tired, helpless and hopeless.
    I fantasise about shooting you - seeing a look of terror on your face as you see what is happening. Gonna start with your kneecaps - pow pow! As you fall to the ground, a bullet right in your face - bang!! Die die die.
    You killed me years ago.
    Enjoy your birthday - may you rot in hell.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you have someone to talk to about these feeling emotions of yours. I know hatred is hard emotion to let go of but it is doing you so much more harm then your brother. Have you told what your brother did have you gotten help to deal with what happened I hope and pray you do hun one cannot deal with all this alone hugs
     
  3. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    The hatred is destroying me but that is the first time I have written down the impact it has had on me and what I want to do to him. I have briefly talked with a counsellor about it but I tend to keep a lot back.
    My daughter and another brother know, as does my sister's daughter but she chooses to ignore it.
    Most of the time I keep it locked in but his birthday (now today) triggered a great deal of pain.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry the trigger has caused the pain to come to the surface Ithink you need to report it if you can He should not have gotten away with what he did i hope you and your coucellor can work together on a solution that will bring some healing. hugs