happy new year? you kidding me?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by free_your_mind, Dec 31, 2011.

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  1. free_your_mind

    free_your_mind Active Member

    my dla has been stopped, my boyfriend will kick me out of our apartment, my poor cat will starve to death, i will have to sell all my stuff and i will also have to cut off the internet, i am going to have a GREAT new year!

    what i have learned in the past 28 years of my life is humans simply do not care, if anything happens in 2012 there is a reason behind it, god is punishing all people who like to give people like me a very hard time in life and they deserve it, every second of it.

    can anyone tell me what i have done to deserve 28 years of misery abuse and violence and simple plain bad luck/karma? the only way to escape this hardship is to end it, there is no other way out now, i am too sick to work for a living and i relied on those benefits to survive, now that pillow has been violently yanked away from me i feel very vulnerable but i don't expect anyone here to understand that.

    you know how upsetting it is to be sick and to be told to be forced to work? in the uk that is the way it is now and it's only going to get worse, the PM wants people who are TERMINALLY ILL to work, yes you heard me right, people who have cancer and have months to live are told to work, i feel disgusted to be british among the lowest of the low, yes i know how hard it is in america where you don't get any help at all if you are sick, they won't even treat you if you have no insurance and leave you to die, how can a person working in medical care working in a situation like that sleep at night? i know the answer BECAUSE HUMANS ARE THE SCUM OF THE UNIVERSE AND I FEEL UTTER DISGRACE TO BE APART OF THE THIS RACE. that is why i want to end my existence and go back to the universe.

    yes i know there are people living in poverty countries who have nothing at all, not even clothes or shoes on their feet, i don't like to think about people suffering in that situation because it makes me sick to the stomach thinking about it, other people wouldn't even blink a eyelid or even think of the thought of being in a situation like that as some people are so naive and think cash comes from their mommies wallet or appears from thin air.

    anyways forget about money, the only thing i want right now is peace, ultimate peace and i can't get that living in this existence can i? my existence has no meaning, no purpose no aim in life, i've tried for 28 years spiritually and religiously to find a answer to my existence but none of those paths can give me a answer, the only answer i can give myself is that i was born here to suffer since the day i was born it makes sense, every day of my life i have suffered, i don't think i even know what happiness means anymore, i don't know what having a great family is like, i don't even understand what the concept of love means, it has no meaning as i have never experienced it in my life.

    so while everyone's popping the champagne and eating their chocolates till they explode this new years eve, think about the people who will be suffering this new years think about all the old and sick who have spent christmas with no one and who have never seen a friendly face for ages, i don't expect most people to care or even notice about those kind of people.

    anyways i've said what i have to say even though i don't know if this post will change the way people think and act, i doubt that but at least i tried, i don't know when i will decide to end it all but i know i don't have much time left before my life gets even worse from here on.
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Well done for thinking of others in this difficult time. Though I would say that on this forum, most are aware that life is a bit crap. I think many of us will not enjoy any sort of festivities tonight.

    I am sorry you have not experienced happiness for so long, I hope you find some this year.
     
  3. chrissyb111

    chrissyb111 Member

    All i can say i agree with ever word you have said,life stinks and none cares,not really people say they do but not 100%.
    I hope you find some peace some where,weather here on earth or in heaven.x
     
  4. vir

    vir Well-Known Member

    You'd be surprised how many people are out there that would love to be nice to you but just don't know you. This is what you should be thinking of, not that there are people worse off than you, but that there are so many people just as lonely or lonlier than you, that would actually really love to help you out. Empty nest couples whose children are all gone, for example. If my mom had some girl come to her house crying that she had nowhere to go and needed help, it would make her day that she could. It's just that everyone out there is so damn worried about inconveniencing other people, they don't realize that there so many people out there that really do want to help. I posted this video in another thread, but I think you can probably get something from it too:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJZ3bcPr-Ds
     
  5. northstar

    northstar Active Member

    i'm so sorry you are going through this, and i just want you to know that you are not alone in your feelings. i share some of them with you. i am really sorry you are experiencing this kind of suffering. it is very difficult.
    *hug to you
     
  6. free_your_mind

    free_your_mind Active Member

    thanks for everyone kind words, life for me still hasn't changed, im still suffering, at least I know that I am not suffering on my own, my boyfriend hs chucked me out so I am currently homeless atm, I was going to try and jump off a building but it was obstructed which was a good thing as I would have went through it as I have nothing to loose, I went to citizens advice and asked for help and they simply did not care that I was homeless and had nowhere to go so that made me feel even more low than i already am.

    boyfriend called the cops on me because I said I was going to kill myself what a jerk, its none of his business what I do its over with him now anyway, I wont take him back after this, I told him he is a heartless B for kicking me out at a vunrable time like this it just shows that no one cares, not even people that are close to you that is why I trust no one and never will, they all want to screw you over.

    i dont know what i will do now that i have nothing i feel very low right now shall. I try to top myself or suffer in my current situation, what would anyone of you chose if you were in my situation?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2012
  7. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am glad you did not jump.
    I am sorry CAB did not help. Have you considered a woman's crisis centre?
    Your situation is bad, you must not make decisions based on it, as it will improve when you find a home, and some stability.
     
  8. free_your_mind

    free_your_mind Active Member

    I am staying at my mothers house till I can clear my head, my mother dosnt want to see me sleeping on the streets so at least I have somewhere to stay for now.
     
  9. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Good. Can you get any work or is it better for you to try to sort out your head?
     
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