happy new year...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Hazibell, Dec 31, 2008.

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  1. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    this year. has been some of the shittest. and some of the best.
    i hate new years. i always think of it as a step closer to me dying and im terrified of dying.
    but yh. i hope everyone has a great 2009. and its better than last year...but not as good as the next.
     
  2. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Main reason I'm not a just-the-holidays kind of guy? LONELINESS.

    Think. That in itself is depressing. How the fuck you going to celebrate anything when you're either all by yourself or with someone to whom you're not close? (For that someone is a roommate, guy, and just... well almost as ill-fitting as I am in society. LOL NO family, NO ONE close.)

    ^ Why am I laughing? Because deep down, I just have this intuition that we are the sum total of the choices we make in our lives. Some of us go out of our way to avoid people (schizotypal personality), wind up living lonely and guess what? Doesn't it follow?

    I just refuse to down so easy, y'all. I'm fairy convinced that, whatever our station in life, there are basically two approaches. One, we do the damned best that we can, accept medication, actively seek out resources like counseling, maybe go to AA or group therap...

    And two, you can find yourself actually slipping because life is a DAILY calling & challenge. Right? Ya follow??And surely enough, one can create or excaserbate his own misery.

    Ya know, I did not have to be alone on this New Year's. But I've been on a slide downward for the past year and failed to stay proactive in many areas.

    And I'm only 45. Kay... now, that introduces two new problems for me. First, I have decided I really, just really.... don't want to die.

    lol I'm on a fucking sui-cui forum and done come round to that conclusion, which is weird i know. But DEATH? Me? Ucck, fuck no.

    And two, it means that hell I could have 20 more years ahead of me. These are problematic because if I am to live this life, I really do have to consistently adopt those concepts in my signature. So no I don't have to be SO alone, ALL the time. But shit, it can take unbelievable hutzpah--which in Yiddish spelled, chutzpah.

    Did you know the meaning of that word is "gall" and " audacity"? Say a lost, and I believe that a life fully demands just that so,

    Happy New Year ineed
    ToHelp
     
  3. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Happy new year. May 2009 be a good one for all you SFers.
     
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