When I am around counsellors, other people I can get really happy, laughing and joking etc. When I am by myself alone with my thoughts such as travelling to work etc I am really sad and contemplate suicide. Wondering if there are any other happy suicidal people here. One counsellor even said to me, you are hard to pick, you are bright and bubbly. A psych said to me, you come across so happy but you must be really sad inside. I am not putting on act but just feel happier around people. Especially if they have a sense of humour. I have a photo of my daughter the day before she died and she has such a happy face. She was extremely shy but wore the most outlandish and colourful clothes. The counsellor said she was a walking contradiction, maybe I am the same.