Happy Suicidal People

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by downunder, Aug 8, 2008.

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  1. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    When I am around counsellors, other people I can get really happy, laughing and joking etc. When I am by myself alone with my thoughts such as travelling to work etc I am really sad and contemplate suicide.

    Wondering if there are any other happy suicidal people here. One counsellor even said to me, you are hard to pick, you are bright and bubbly. A psych said to me, you come across so happy but you must be really sad inside.

    I am not putting on act but just feel happier around people. Especially if they have a sense of humour. I have a photo of my daughter the day before she died and she has such a happy face.

    She was extremely shy but wore the most outlandish and colourful clothes. The counsellor said she was a walking contradiction, maybe I am the same.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I understand somewhat because I can be like that a little bit. When i am with other people my thoughts are distracted and my focus changes. Once I am again alone I wonder around in my mind and that is when I get into trouble. Maybe you need to have something to distract your thoughts when you are alone. My thoughts are with you. :hug:
  3. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I am very sorry about your daughter.

    Virtually from birth my natural inclinations have been to be a clown, prankster and impersonator. Alone or in public among people I don't know I'm tense and depressed. Among family or friends I become a cut-up. I often have my girlfriend in tears impersonating her parents bickering back and forth. In these circumstances I do feel a temporary lift and do feel joy.

    I think I share your "quirk".
  4. ToddMAdl

    ToddMAdl Well-Known Member

    I could definetely say I'm like that. When I'm not thinking deeply pessimistic because when I think I think deeply, I'm ok. I still laugh and smile about many things. I don't show my dark side to most people. I really am a humorous charming person but I still have a lower self esteem for some reason. I always call the things that make me happy and the times when I'm happy to be "short term happiness". I'm still looking for the long term happiness of when I can say I'm happy with everything that I have and am content. I'm not there though so I still have to battle with my dark side which can be very morbid and pessimistic but I don't show many people that. I have found that people don't like to hear about other people's problems and want to be around happy people I guess that is why I've always had friends. I always believe there is a time to cope with your sadness and times when you have to enjoy yourself in order to have friends, or if it's too hard to tuck away just hide your sadness. I wouldn't suggest bottling it up but cope and deal with the things that make you sad in your own privacy or with a professional. Those are just some ideas to ponder.
  5. I can relate. when i'm with my friends, i am a completely different person than when i'm with anyone else.
  6. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Bluegrey it sounds hilarious you impersonating two bickering parents, I have a big smile on my face just thinking about it. I have people at work in tears (laughter) over my antics as well. I wear this neck warmer on my way to work with a hat that almost comes down to my nose, they find that hilarious. I tell my supervisor to change his shirt as I can see his green/yellow sweat rings under his armpits. He only wears one shirt for the whole week. We wear a uniform.
  7. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Yep, I'm like that. It's frustrating, in some ways, but I can't help it.
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm like that too. i crack jokes all the time (even at the psych ward where i thought it was hilarious that the unit was called GF which stands for Ground Floor, that way if you jump out the window there is not far to go.... you just land in the bushes....). Anyhow the psych told me i wasn't taking my suicide attempt seriously since i was cracking jokes about it but it's just how i am wired. i mean, the world is a truly funny place. people who meet me for the first time describe me as being full of life, but underneath it all i have a dark, lonely and desperate side.

    i like my therapist, she lets me get all the joking out of my system and i can honest with her about the dark stuff underneath. it's a relief to be able to talk about it, even though i don't always have the words to express how sad i feel.

    as i recover and heal the laughs come easier and the darkness diminishes in its power. i hope you will find the same thing as you begin to heal.
  9. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    When I talk to my husband about suicide etc, he tells me it is not funny. I am so blazay about it.

    Dazzle thats interesting about what the psych said about you not taking it seriously, I think I am like that. I said to my counsellor once "Suicide is a game the whole family can play" (my daughter did it) she laughed and then told me it was not funny. For me it is important for the counsellor/psych to have a sense of humour.

    Last week I said to the psych, what I do, I do and once its done it done and I don't have to be around to clean up the mess. Extremely selfish I know but just my sense of humour. I also say "whatever happens, happens, and who cares. I also say "you can do whatever you set your mind too" and "if you first don't succeed then try, try and try again, then don't be a fool about it and give up" (talking about suicide here).
  10. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    I'm most definitely the joker in my friends. Everyone thinks I'm hilarious. Though mostly because I take the piss out of myself and let others do the same. I suppose it's just a face isn't it...some people use a hard face to hide their insecurities, and others use the happy/jokey side.

    I guess it's not so much that I'm a happy suicidal person as that I use that to give others the impression that I am (and myself, sometimes).
  11. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I'm like that, it's almost a defense mechanism...i won't show my real feelings to my friends. I jjust laugh and joke around like i don't have a care in the world. Im also very sarcastic with a dry sense of humour, and i think it's all been developed as a way of shielding my real feelings from my friends for fear of...well i dunno :/ Hah i love trying to psycho analyze myself xD
  12. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    Hmm, with me it's sometimes i'm putting on an act because i don't want to be the miserable one and oher times i'm just happy. I'm very hyper and weird so that's how people see me. I don't think anyone would know just how miserable i can get unless i told them. =\
  13. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    I'm basically the same as you....specially the last bit lol - i think too much :)
  14. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    I'm the same. If I'm around someone I like/feel comfortable with, I feel very content - not an act at all. It's like I'm a different person, I am distracted, I don't overthink things. I just relax, have a laugh, have fun. But if I'm with someone I'm not comfortable with it will all be an act to hide anxiety.

    Also, It's the downward phases when I feel the urge to remain alone on the internet that I'll think and read too much, and feel depressed.
  15. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I saw the shrink today, and she asked if I had had any suicidal thoughts during the week, and I said "Oh Yeah" and then laughed. Then I realised I was laughing and apologised and said that it wasn't funny. Then I mentioned about my husband finding things I had and she asked what they were I didn't really want to tell her. She suggested tablets, and I told her yes, didn't mention the rope my husband found under the bed. I don't trust her enough yet. She mentioned weekly visits that would soon go to monthly visits. She also mentioned my husband coming along. I had her laughing so hard that she had to put her note book down and was looking at the floor. I wasn;t really trying to make her laugh either, I just have a dry sense of humour.
  16. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Everyone has a certain mask they use when around others. It's hard to be honest, it's hard because you don't want everyone to suffer with you.
  17. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    She also asked about what length of time I think about suicide, whether fleeting thoughts or really think hard. Then if you say really think they then want to know when the last time was and what you did etc. My other counsellor never really asked about my suicidal thoughts.
  18. white

    white Well-Known Member

    Thats me.....
    I have not figured out how to cope yet.
    Ill get back 2 u
  19. ANeverEndingRose

    ANeverEndingRose Well-Known Member

    O my god i could have written that exact same post. My psychiatrist, and cpn etc, all say they never understand me because i come across as a giggly, happy-go-lucky young woman....and i am 99%. I laugh a lot, i find there is a lot to laugh at and to joke about, and i love smiling and talking to people, I'm called funny and polite and kind.

    But, and there is this HUGE But.....inside i want to die. I want to die so much at the moment it hurts. I am such a bitch, mean and horrible inside, towards myself and others. Sometimes i wonder if this is split personality disorder?

    I just wish i could be happy inside and out.
  20. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I actually enjoy making people laugh and I can also laugh at myself. When the shrink asked if I had any suicidal thoughts during the week, I said yes and laughed because I thought its probably not exactly the answer she wants to hear. I sort of put myself in someone elses shoes and can see the funny side.
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