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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by StangerInAStrangeLand, Aug 23, 2008.

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  1. StangerInAStrangeLand

    StangerInAStrangeLand Well-Known Member

    Hi All,

    I'm happy and relaxed - but I still have an overwhelming desire to commit suicide. I'm drawn in by the lack of existence that I'll have once it's done with - no problems, no worries, not a care in the world. I have a method down pat, <electrocution>. I just hope I don't cause a fire. My family has had to deal with my suicidality for quite some time, and if I complete it, I'm sure they'd feel relieved. My family is gone for the weekend and I have the house to myself - it seems like perfect timing.

    Life Story (summary): Sister abused by stranger, put in family counseling, witnessed sex abuse as child, joined gang to stop abuser, left gang when done stopping abuser, family members died (grandfather, cousin), left with horrific images in my mind - started hearing voices inside my head - put in hospital for suicide attempts (1 year total in hospitals, different times) - tried drowing memories/voices with alcohol and drugs - lost a promising job as a result - tried college - dropped out of college from my alcoholism - left in the state I am now with poverty and my dreams destroyed and only myself to blame

    Meds: 1200mg Seroquel, 37.5mg Zyprexa, 400mg Welbutrin SR, 50mg Lexapro, 30mg Remeron, 20mg Ambein
  2. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Please tell your psychiatrist how much danger you are in. I imagine electrocution will be immensely painful and if you survive you will almost certainly be left terribly disfigured. I've told my psychiatrist how close I am to suicide and when she gets back from vacation she wants me to go inpatient for a while.

    I am a survivor of severe physical abuse, I've seen horrific things too and I'm a socially anxious mess from it. I dropped out of college too (nervous breakdown).
    Your present living situation can be improved with a case worker from a mental health agency, I'm working with one now. Mental illness was a dormant genetic trait brought out by the horrific stresses you described not by alcohol or any wrong choices you've made.

    Your family will not be relieved if you commit suicide only infected with horrible guilt and the same depression you are presently suffering. Once again, please make an emergency call to your psychiatrist and ask a friend to stay with you or visit them until your family returns, don't stay alone thinking this way!
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