Hard time figuring out signals - help

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by StangerInAStrangeLand, Apr 22, 2008.

  1. StangerInAStrangeLand

    StangerInAStrangeLand Well-Known Member

    Howdy all,

    A woman at my college keeps hanging around with me - she knows a lot of what I've been through and still hangs around. When ever we are together she tells me that I'm awesome - I tell her she is beautiful and sweet. She's invited me to stay with her in her bed when she's been ill so that I could take care of her. She likes me to keep her company whenever shes around (even if it's just me and her in her room, just lying around talking about life). She pays much less attention to other men at my school (the men outnumber women by 5 to 1 at my school). She always expresses sadness at not being able to find a good guy (a guy like me she tells me) - she commiserates with me on not being able to find someone with a kind heart and understanding and talks to me about her loneliness. We were going to go out - but the latest fling caught her eye and got in the way and then ended up breaking her heart (I saw it coming from a mile away). Now shes back to hanging out with me all the time telling me how much she adores me and respects me for all that I've been able to make it through and tells me she wishes a guy like me was in her (romantic) life.

    I find it very confusing - she says she wants a long term relationship with someone but acts as though she only wants to have fling after fling with men. She keeps saying she wants someone exactly like me - but she never says she wants me. Not sure if I should pursue - would sure be easier than going it alone - then again, could just lead to more heart break. Having trouble getting past all the flings she's been through - don't want to be just another John, Harry or Sam. Any advice on where to go with it?
  2. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Sounds like it could end up in heart break for you if another fling catches her eye.. Think it over before you make your move!
  3. Smythe

    Smythe Well-Known Member

    She sounds like she's interested. If you like her, there's nothing wrong with expressing that.
    You may be rejected, and it may end in heartbreak, or it may work out. who knows. You just have to decide if the friendship is more important then the possible gains.
  4. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    The fact that you two are so close makes your chances sound bad. She is obviously very comfortable around you, which is not a good sign -- there would be some sexual tension if she were attracted to you. I've been there, I've seen the signs. She says she wants someone exactly like you -- to me, that sounds more like she is trying to compliment you and help your confidence. Rarely are women THAT forward with someone when they want someone to make a move on them. For one thing, if she were attracted to you, a comment like that would be putting her way out there for rejection. Sounds like she just sees you as a close friend, like a brother, not a potential lover.
  5. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I agree with Bleach, you are deep within the friend zone.

    If you want to get out of it, express your interest in her. But you'd be taking a risk.
  6. women are sublimely enigmatic. in my considerably scant experience, any attempt to ascertain their motives, thoughts, or feelings will only serve to exacerbate your confusion
  7. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I don't like to use the term 'friend zone' because it sends the signal to guys that being friends with a woman you're attracted to is bad, which is not the case. Still, to put it all in a nutshell that's where you are right now and if you're interested in her that is not where you want to be. You'll have to take some initiative and go for it, if you plan to wait for her to make a move on you chances are you're in for disappointment. It's scary, the thought that things might not go the way you want and you might be rejected in the long run, but it's a lot better to do it, regret it immediately and get past it than to slap yourself for the rest of your life for never trying. If she's interested in you too then kudos to you for having the guts to ask her. Just imagine what you would have missed if you had never asked.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 20, 2008
  8. XXXXX

    XXXXX Antiquities Friend

    + 1 :biggrin:

    I have been in a few similar situations before - and always played it safe (not to say I had any great feelings for them - just it crossed my mind whether to "chance me arm" :tongue: at the risk of losing a good mate)......I have no great regrets (only a mild curiosity of what might have been / what disaster we didn't have :rolleyes:)..........but my reason for posting is to say that life always moves on - doubtful that in 5 years time you will still be in same social circle, and even if so when you both get other partners things won't be the same or even seem so appealing.........

    IMO you should........tell her how you feel*, just be prepared for a downside (or at least an initial doubt to change relationship "status").

    * don't blame me :tongue: