hard time

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by person, Nov 28, 2015.

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  1. person

    person Well-Known Member

    hi. I've never really done anything like this, posted personal stuff on a website, so bear with me. I;m having a really hard time this weekend. I'm thinking about doing something to myself, and I kind of really just want to do something that will 'work', but my counselor says maybe I should go to hospital. its pretty difficult right now because I've decided to go down on meds, but I'm kinda having some bad side effects. I hate it, because I told myself this time I wasn't going to fool around with some half hearted attempt again, but I am still kind of unsure and scared. I am such a coward. has anybody else felt that way. I need to prove to myself and others that I am not a coward.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 28, 2015
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, person. You are far from being a coward because you've just done something very brave - admitted your feelings to us. I'm sorry you're feeling so down.

    Suicide only stops life. It doesn't give you a chance to find that life can be better. Depression can make us see only negative possibilities and discount anything else. Depression lies to us.

    You mention that you're going down on your meds...that might be affecting how you're feeling. Is there a reason you have decreased the meds? Is it something your doctor has suggested? If not, perhaps it is the reaosn that you're feeling so low. It might be an idea to touch base with your doctor to discuss the dosages.

    Suicide Forum is pro-life, so we won't help you find a suicide method that "works," but we'd be happy to listen if you want to talk about the things that have you feeling so unhappy. Maybe others have had some experiences with similar things and we could help you find a way through this rough time?

    If you are feeling desperate or that you are going to hurt or attempt to kill yourself, the hospital is a good place to be.

    Again, you are not a coward. It can be very hard to share our feelings and you're sharing - that's hugely brave imo. Be strong and stay safe. If you are desperate, get to the hospital. Keep in touch with us and let us know how you're doing. *hugs*
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi person,

    Like Acy said, you have shared your thoughts here and are not a coward. You are having a rough time and it's normal to feel like wanting to harm yourself when suicidal obviously so I would suggest that you take up the offer and go into the psychiatric unit. You are important. I noticed this is your very first post here, you are brave for wanting to open up to us. I think you're doing fairly well and take the professionals advice.
  4. person

    person Well-Known Member

    thanks for your replies. they were very kind. I don't know what will happen yet really. but I just wanted to let you know I absolutely was not asking for methods, I know this site is pro life. I'm so confused and mixed up, every thing seems topsy-turvy. thanks again for responding. :)
  5. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    This may sound obvious, but it is something all of us have problems with. Be completely frank and honest when you talk to your healthcare professional, tell them it all, warts and all. Even the horrible or weird thoughts you have.
    Everyone has them and they are nothing to be ashamed of or hide.
    Also, bear with the meds. It took me years and lots of different meds until i found the right ones. When you find the right ones the burden on you will be massively relieved and things will get clearer and you can look up.
    Also dont be afraid of hospital. If you do need to go onto a psych ward for help, you can treat it as a respite from life. An escape where you can get your shit together in your own time. If it wasnt for the psych wards i wouldnt be here, neither would many other people.
    Also something i struggled with at first, if you have a mental health team, trust them. They are not in their job "just for the money" and they really do care and they really do want the best for you. They are some of the best and most uplifting people around, just give them a chance and give yourself a chance.
    Take care of yourself
  6. person

    person Well-Known Member

    not really sure where to write this. I did end up going to the ER almost 2 weeks ago because of having self harm thoughts, thought I maybe should go to hospital, but was told basically I wasn't bad enough for that. not on any meds right now, don't plan on going back to counseling. I don't ever want to leave the house again. just am wanting to do something final, maybe then I will be seen as "bad enough".
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hey there. I'm glad to hear you didn't want methods - thanks for clarifying - that's good to know! :)

    If the hospital sent you home, perhaps to them, you appeared to be functioning and able to hold your own. You might not have felt that way, but "came across" that way to others. Some depressed people are masters of wearing a mask and sometimes we slip it on and it makes it hard for people to see that we are really, really struggling. The ERs see the worst of the worst cases - people who are delusional and/or who have put themselves/others at risk. If someone can cope, the ER staff might think the person is able to be at home, and doesn't need to be monitored in hospital. The good thing about going to the ER is that it provides a brief period of time for many people to calm down a bit and find out that they did manage in spite of their dreadful feelings/impulses.

    Did the hospital suggest you follow up with your family doctor or a social services mental health worker? Even if they didn't, those are still good options. The meds you were taking might need some adjustment or maybe you need something different. Perhaps it's time to speak with your family doctor about the whole situation.

    I'm so sorry things are topsy-turvy for you. Things eventually settle down some. Please give them a chance to get settled. I think you sound like an interesting person and it would be good to get to know you. :) Stay safe and stay in touch, OK? *hug*
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