I hesitate to post in here as it's been probably a year since I posted last. So many new people since then. It's also hard to know what to write...there's so much inside me it's difficult to organize it into a post. But, here it goes... I've been in therapy for nearly 20 years (16 with the same Doc.) and I can't help but feel I should be much further along than I am. I'm 58 soon to be 59; my life is more than half over and I've accomplished absolutely nothing in my life. I've given up on the idea of ever working again...haven't worked since 1991. I have nothing in my life that defines me. I have no ambitions, no dreams, no quality of life...nothing gives me any satisfaction, except maybe food...one of my few pleasures. I'm terrified of everything...people, new situations, social functions and most especially fear of failure (so afraid of failure that I don't try anything). If I could, I'd never leave the confines of my home...my own little prison. I've suffered from depression and PTSD most of my life. My Doc. insists that she can help me, but I have grave doubts about this. I have 1 maybe 2 friends, but I don't keep in touch with them...I prefer to isolate I guess. Interacting with people is very difficult for me...I just don't trust them! If it were not for my mother and my pets, I would take the simple solution of suicide...although, I haven't had much success in even taking my own life. I've damaged myself in the attempts so I have constant reminders of my failures. As my father said, "you can't even kill yourself properly." Unless I get over my deep fears...this is it; my life; plodding through each day with little change. Each day runs into the next; each year into the next. This is not a life. I want to feel I belong in this world, that my life has some meaning. I want to feel passionate about something...feel satisfaction in living. I want some way to define myself...other than failure! There are so many obsticles in my path. I feel so very alone in this world and so very sad. I have no future.