Hard to put all of this in words

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadhart, Jan 8, 2015.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I haven't been on here in a while and I feel selfish for only coming on here to talk about my problems instead of being supportive to others. My birthday is coming up in a few days....33. I am not really looking forward to it. The last five years of my life have been painfully stagnant. 2014 ended up breaking away from some of the stagnation I had been feeling since 2009 as I ended up staying nine months sober by the end of the year. Not only that, but it was the first time in years that I worked a steady job albeit through a temp service. I stay at a recovery house to help build a foundation and I am in this thing called support circles at this church I go to. it's where a small circle of people help me build on that foundation in my life.

    I am grateful for making some progress in my life....but I still feel unsure about many things. The truth is that I am still very lonely and I still have no idea of what happiness. I cannot GET OVER THE PAST PARTICULARLY a painful rejection I experienced from a girl back in 2009. I know that's pathetic, but yeah. What I'm afraid of is that I my life is only going to get as good as "okay" and nothing more. I'm sorry for sounding so ungrateful, but after years of wanting to not live anymore, I just feel like I'm in some kind of conflict with hope and despair in my life. I'm sorry for rambling, but I'm going to stop here because I'm kind of tired. Sorry again.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, it is great that you have people around to build the foundation for your future. You don't sound ungrateful, just hiccuping on the road to recovery. I really am sorry to hear about the rejection you have been put through, that can't be nice and must make you feel bad but there's plenty of fish in the sea!! The support circles is an amazing idea and I'm glad you are taking full advantage of that avenue. Try and keep the head above the water and keep posting here if it helps you. I hope your birthday will be a pleasant day for you, make it a celebration, enjoy every second of it, remember not what you have lost but what you have achieved. Best of luck with everything.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Wow hun you have come so far congratulations on your sobriety that is quite the achievement Try to take each day as it comes ok enjoy the small moments in that day Try not to worry about the future or the past just live in the moment You can reach out here anytime ok it helps to know you are not alone and that people do understand
     
  4. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    thank you for your response, but while I realize that there are plenty of other girls out there, that hasn't made this rejection any less painful. I don't know why this one still hurts like it does, but it one of the reasons why I find it hard to see myself ever being loved by someone in return. What she said and thought about me (the girl who rejected me) not only hurt, but it mattered. Sorry if I am being difficult in not being more appreciative of what you said.
     
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