Hard to say goodbye

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LillMy8989, Apr 22, 2011.

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  1. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    Ive told you before I know. Takes me to hell but emotion stops me then family... I just want to fall asleep-"goodnight"-"that was sure shittime-life" ---- *wakes up in paradise*

    I am ready. And I do have the tools for it.

    Is your everyday-life just as painful as no life at all?
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    We are here if you want to talk about how you are doing and why you are feeling this way...J
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Get rid of the tools okay and just stay here talk to us We care okay we are listening hugs to you
     
  4. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im sorry today has been hard on you, I agree with above, get rid of the tools and come talk to us.

    If not maybe you can just crawl back in bed and take a mental day.

    Hugs honey and hope it gets better for you.
     
  5. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    Dont say alcoholic but I cant help it, meds wont help and my doctor has stopped calling me, peoples are mean, bills to pay(no money), no job/occupation, last call from 'friend's was weeks ago, my family "the unknowns", I dont want to have this misery, I want a life, what is that? I never been NORMAL, please tell me how to be NORMAL I can act like everbody else and no one can call me weird motherfuck ****
     
  6. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member



    Thank you all!!! But folks are always mean no matter what, it exists and so on ... go on and just let your ears be free.../psychiatrist... hell no! This is so bad I cant even go to the grocery without feeling watched, notthing new, cause its my hometown, they wants me DEAD, have been , almost, killed by their fucking cars a 1000 of times but whats stopping them??? Cops is not there, Oh yea they are, but they are normal, mad people are NORMAL, I'm not, who's right then..? please sir kill her, please dont say its our idea, ok you seems normal, I would, you're VERY WELCOME....
    ::..SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
     
  7. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    :talk:hi Lill... sorry you having hard time...but to want to be "normal"...i dont understand...what is normal, who decides what is normal, maybe those around are not "normal" why do you think you are not normal? the perception of normality causes peeps a lot of unnecessary pain...i too want to be normal like many here...but how do we define it...dont let the actions of others define or undermine your own feelings. you are "normal" but what is not "normal" is the pain you feel but you are entitled to feel that pain. those that walk away are "not normal", what normal person abandons someone in their hour of need? those peeps you dont need. have you seen a doc? are you on meds? there is help out there...its not always easy, and that prob is the most normal thing i can say about how we all feel...its normal for it not to be easy.

    get rid of anything that can hurt you...and reach out...there are peeps here who can understand and care...
     
  8. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    Normal, in my opinion, means; FAMILY! A mum and DaD! I just havent, sleeping in a Forrest for 2 months when the socials where after calling me to foster homes, no-no! Not FAMILY! That is HELL!!!

    Dont forget "the happy drug" ECT, horrified, I have been lost more than half of my memory Im sure I wont be able to have any job in the future
    I can forget about almost everything, or everything, faces, etc. HORROR !11
     
  9. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Why do you feel everyone is mean to you? Why would they be mean to you?
     
  10. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    i am guessing that as you are hiding from foster care that you are still quite young :hug: and i dont mean to be patronising by that. having family does not mean that you will suddenly be normal...jeez..i avoid my family (what is left) like the plague (apart from my mum altho i dont phone as much as i used to) so having family wont make you "feel normal" . perhaps you lack a sense of belonging, and maybe IF you can stop focussing on the idea that having a family will make you normal (it wont believe me) it will give you space to focus on what else is tormenting you and maybe be able to deal with that first. sometimes we have to take a long journey rather than the shortest route to get where we need to be. keep posting as you feel able so we can understand what is going on and maybe help. :unsure::hugtackles:
     
  11. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    Toolate I will try tomorrow, damn jebo...

    Now, will they kill me, well I dont care....
     
  12. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I agree^^^^^, my family has been a huge part of whats made me "crazy"
     
  13. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    oh Lillmy.... please please stay safe...most here are fighting the same demons, stay with us and give us hope...tell us what is getting you here...if you need help phone crisis line or emergency line...please..you dont need to feel alone...we need you here to show that even in our darkest hour we can come through it...peeps in your shoes have saved me...save another by living...that surely is good enough reason to live..that you can save another?
    :stop::please::flowers: stay with us please!
     
  14. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    What if they dont, what if you wake up in a coma, not able to do or say anything but lay in bed with your own mind and thoughts.

    Please you dont have to do this, call 911 if you think your in danger.
     
  15. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    What I told y or what I am drinking and cant do much about things, folks dont believes my word and I am lonely, I really am, I am a girl to relize boys can cry makes me sad, thats not the REAL world, digs our own grave and all that... Life or what... we are cannibals! Really..! Please leave and LIVE!!!
     
  16. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Honey you have to stop drinking tonight, its bringing you to a head point thats not going to give you a break, it will keep eating and eating until you cant think of nothing else but stopping the pain.

    I believe that your lonely, I feel the hurt in your words, but it doesnt have to be the end of you. We are not all cannibals, yes there are people that pray on the ones they know they can hurt but its not everyone is that way.

    We havent gotten to talk much, so dont know much history, but I can say that life is worth living.
     
  17. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    Have you guys ever heard of histrionic personality disorder.....worst "disease" and HELL of all
     
  18. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I havent tell me about it
     
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