Harder than ever

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by sunny, Oct 7, 2008.

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  1. sunny

    sunny Member

    About 2 months ago I took the first overdose Ive taken in about 5 years. I researched it on the internet planned every last detail, but it didnt work. I ended up in the back of an ambulance on my way to A and E, again. Every source I looked at told me how dangerous the medication was and that most fatalitys occur taking half the amount that I was planning on taking. Even now Im so annoyed that it didnt do the job, I shouldnt be here. When I was in hospital (psychiatric) I couldnt eat, couldnt drink, couldnt do anything, all I could think was I shouldnt be here now. Im sick of being cheated out of my own life, or rather the decision of whether I should live it. It happened again about a couple of weeks later, although this time I was trying to climb over the bridge as the police came and sectioned me. Everyone asked me why I didnt do it, thinking that they knew me, thinking that I didnt really want to die, well sorry to disappoint guys but its because I have very short legs and couldnt get over the side + had drank 5 bottles wine, I couldnt stop crying, all I knew at that moment was that it had to work that this was it. After they let me out of the police cell the next day after I had pleaded that it was a mistake that I didnt know what had come over me, they let me go. I went straight to the highstreet and bought a pack of blades which is when I preceded to cut my wrist, hey presto, another good samaritan came along, back to A and E. After they got over arguing with each other over why I was released from the cell they sent me straight back to the psych hospital. Where again I didnt eat, didnt drink etc, but then ever since the first time I hadnt really been taking care of myself . Ive just started to get back into eating better again. Everyday hurts more and more, every time I have to go to the shop I get angry and I cry because I shouldnt have to be doing these things now. I went to see one of my many Drs today and I have to pretend because anything else they dont want to hear, but just recently most of them arent that bothered, everyone's sure its just a waiting game untill I do it again, thats what one of my Drs told me. I feel worse than ever, the way everyone looks at me has changed, the way I feel has got worse than ever, thats the real after effects, my scars compared to that dont mean anything.
  2. ckalex8508

    ckalex8508 Member

    I know how you feel, I'm the same way everytime I have attempted suicide I have failed, and I question God why I'm still here or why is he keeping me here when I am in so much pain, and so depressed, that I don't won't to live anymore the next time I attempt I will make sure no one is around, and they will not know when I do it until they find me. I feel like everyone stars at me, and they notice me but they don't won't to actually see me or help me. My family thinks its a game I'm Playing, that all I want is attention, that I am not really sick. But they don't hear the voices or see the shadows or the figures I see. They don't want to understand or learn about what is going on with me, so I know how you feel. I also self cut and every time I do it I keep telling myself go just a little deeper you will eventually succeed.:eek:hmy::sad:
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You guys are still here because it is just not your time to die yet, no matter how bad things may seem. God doesn't want people to turn to suicide when life gets too difficult, rather he wants us to keep on fighting and overcome our problems. You guys can beat this.

    Hi Cindy. I think that you might be under attack by negative spirits, because you've said that your seeing shadowy figures around you. I'm into paranormal research and it's very well possible that negative spirits could be tormenting you. Have a look at this link. There's a section on what you can do to protect yourself against them.

  4. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It is called allucinations and voice hearing is also (both seeing and hearing) part of schiziofrenic phase. It can be lessen and avoided by correct medication and therapy. Nothing paranormal in this hun.

    granny (bp + schizo)
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