About 2 months ago I took the first overdose Ive taken in about 5 years. I researched it on the internet planned every last detail, but it didnt work. I ended up in the back of an ambulance on my way to A and E, again. Every source I looked at told me how dangerous the medication was and that most fatalitys occur taking half the amount that I was planning on taking. Even now Im so annoyed that it didnt do the job, I shouldnt be here. When I was in hospital (psychiatric) I couldnt eat, couldnt drink, couldnt do anything, all I could think was I shouldnt be here now. Im sick of being cheated out of my own life, or rather the decision of whether I should live it. It happened again about a couple of weeks later, although this time I was trying to climb over the bridge as the police came and sectioned me. Everyone asked me why I didnt do it, thinking that they knew me, thinking that I didnt really want to die, well sorry to disappoint guys but its because I have very short legs and couldnt get over the side + had drank 5 bottles wine, I couldnt stop crying, all I knew at that moment was that it had to work that this was it. After they let me out of the police cell the next day after I had pleaded that it was a mistake that I didnt know what had come over me, they let me go. I went straight to the highstreet and bought a pack of blades which is when I preceded to cut my wrist, hey presto, another good samaritan came along, back to A and E. After they got over arguing with each other over why I was released from the cell they sent me straight back to the psych hospital. Where again I didnt eat, didnt drink etc, but then ever since the first time I hadnt really been taking care of myself . Ive just started to get back into eating better again. Everyday hurts more and more, every time I have to go to the shop I get angry and I cry because I shouldnt have to be doing these things now. I went to see one of my many Drs today and I have to pretend because anything else they dont want to hear, but just recently most of them arent that bothered, everyone's sure its just a waiting game untill I do it again, thats what one of my Drs told me. I feel worse than ever, the way everyone looks at me has changed, the way I feel has got worse than ever, thats the real after effects, my scars compared to that dont mean anything.