okays, so iv bin self harm free for abit now, not long long, compared to some ppl i no, but a long time for me, but recently iv bin havin relly strong urges, and theyr so bad, iv never felt this bad when iv had urges before, it fyls like theres these voices in my head and theyr warring, ones telling me to self harm, that itl b better if i do, and that i should no i cant keep this up, th other tells me i can do it, that im stronger n that i cant beat it. trouble is im startin to believe the one that tells me i cant keep it up :S and i dont no if i can. i have a lovely bf, hes amazin, and i no he supports me and i no hes there for em, but its awkward, cos i dont feel he relly understands how im feeling when im like this and jus how hard it is. i jus feel that he cant understand as well as ppl who have bin thru it can, altho he tries, n he does help.but theres also stuff i wanna talk to him about, stuff about him and his life, but i dont want to cos im worried it will upset hiom. i care about him so much, and i no he'd b disappointed and upset if i s/hed, and i no i would feel bad if i did, which is why im tryin so hard not to, but tis gettin too hard, i jus wanna give in rite now, cos theres so much pressure on me, i fyl like i cant cope without the only coping mechanism iv ever known; self harm. its th only thing i no that helps me get thru how i feel.i dont no any other way, and tryin to liuve without it day to day, tryin to cope with everythin life throws at me wihtout it, its soo much harder. i jus, i dunno what to do feel so hopeless. i dont wanna hurt my bf, at all, ever, but im struggling, and i dont no how to open up to him fully, cos iv never opened up to ppl fully its so difficult. sorry guys, i no this is a relly long post :S hope everyone else is doin ok, its bin a while since i last came on. take care everyone.