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has anyone else been here?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Moon_Penguin, Mar 27, 2011.

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  1. Moon_Penguin

    Moon_Penguin Penguin astronaut extraordinaire

    I havent been on the site in awhile. Then my dad died. my money went down the drain and my relationship i fear is going with it too. I just felt so angry and alone once my dad left me. I have so many people around telling me its going to be ok bt it doesnt feel it. They dont have any idea how it feels to have lost there daddy, and they say it all the time, yet they continue to say they understand. how can they understand. he was my hero, my idol as i was growing up. i wrote an essay and everything on him.
    So after my dad died it was be homeless or move in with my boyfriend. I chose to live with my boyfriend and its in the middle of nowhere. the next bus stop is 6 miles away. that makes me feel more icolated.(sorry for spelling) and just outside is the last place i saw my dad. i cant look outside without seeing him waving and smiling at me. I havent cut since xmas but now i need to more than ever. im resisting but only because we have a 9 year old kid int he house and hed be asking all kinds, like he did with the scars. Monday,tuesday n wednesdat i have to sit around in the house, alone while everyone else is at work or school. sometimes i just think if i do it int he morning just after they go. when they come back itl to late to do anything. Then when iwas busy picking out coffins i missed my jobseekers appointment. so they canceled my account. didnt find out til me next sign on. £200 about is just gone. a months of money. gone. because i was busy trying to pick out a coffin i could afford for my daddy. they didnt give a damn.
    and now my relationship. been with this guy for nearly a year now. just before i got with him he did everything for me. he got me flowers from the park. take me out and do pictures for me. then we won me over and hasnt tried ever since. other than when i go away fro the weekend, then i come back to a flower. or this time 3. which was nice, but the spark has gone. and hes just getting very clingy lately. i love him. but the bedroom part has jumped off a cliff and being washed away, the romance is gone. its like haveing a best friend now. i need to talk to him but i dont know how to.
    has anyone been through a loss of a very very close parent?
    does anyone know how i can talk to my boyfriend without upsetting him?
    any encouraging words or advice would be very appriciated at this time x
  2. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Hi Angi

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad. You sound as if you had a wonderful relationship, and I can't begin to imagine how heartbreaking this must be for you. I know it seems that nothing will ever be right again, but please just give it time. It's not going to miraculously get better, but I believe it can in time. I haven't experienced what you have, so it may seem as if I am just talking rubbish, but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. People are here, and people want to help.

    As for your boyfriend... do you think the relationship can be saved? The spark can come back? It sounds as if he needs to make more of an effort, as it seems that dropped off as soon as he won you over. If you think this is the case, just explain how you feel. It may upset him to begin with, but it is upsetting you being in this relationship. And if you don't think it can be saved, it is kinder to him, and you, in the long run if you explain this to him now. There is also a greater hope that you will be able to remain good friends if you explain what is going on for you, how you feel. Is there any chance he could be feeling the same way too, but unable to find the words to tell you?

    I know that jobseekers can be complete jerks, I have no idea how they have so little compassion for anything. Can you write a letter of complaint to the management? it's not as if you merely overslept, you lost a parent, and were looking at coffins.. surely they have to give you some leeway.

    Please keep fighting. This is what your dad would have wanted hon. I know it must be sooo unbearable for you right now, but keep reaching out and posting about what is going on for you. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

    Thinking of you, feel free to PM me at any time

  3. Laura101

    Laura101 New Member

    :eek:hmy: My husband died on fathers day in June last year. I have steadily watched my family fall apart as he was a great dad and good husband. 6 months down the line while trying to hold my life together, the lonliness set in. I am a teacher, and crisis counsellor. I had overwhelming thoughts over sadness, and no one to talk to. All my family friends seemed to have followed my husband to the grave. They were just gone. At that point I couldn't take my own advice. Life really had become miserable. But it gets better, you just have to give it time. You know you may be afraid of the dark, but its the only time you can see the stars. Chin up sweetie.:sf:
  4. Moon_Penguin

    Moon_Penguin Penguin astronaut extraordinaire

    thanks xxx i do need to talk to him. just difficult at the moment and thanks for the support xxxx
  5. Moon_Penguin

    Moon_Penguin Penguin astronaut extraordinaire

    i know its sounds horrible but its nice to knwo im not the only one going through it x and il remember that quote 'You know you may be afraid of the dark, but its the only time you can see the stars'.... quite inspirational xxx
    thank you x
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