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has anyone else felt like they cant do something before you have even tried?

tuli

little faith has sparkled.
#1
well this has happened to me for as long as i can remember. im 20 now. Everytime i have to do something, an assignment, or an activity i wanted to join just for learning, before i even try, or in the process, i suffer so much because i feel i cant do it right, no matter how much effort i do. i get very anxious.
:( i feel like im useless but trying to deceive myself to think i can do things
None of my friends feels like this, so i wanted to know if anyone has felt this way and how have you fought it? thanks
 

Affirm

Public Access
#2
I've had a semi-often thought that my mind conjures up in the process that it isn't worth the time, or that I'll just repeat the same mistakes which will bring about me failing. These usually occur for me during the process of starting up a hobby, e.g. I'll be terrible at it. Only thing I've tried so far that has also helped is simply that if I don't pursue this right now, I will likely miss out on so many future opportunities for development, or improvement for other fields of life. The time investment of, what, an hour is non-consequential, even if I do hit a road-block or 'fail', compared to the potential benefits. It's gotten a lot easier as my depression as lessened. Granted, the things that this happens to me during is much lesser major, e.g. usually just a hobby, test or other productivity related (learning or otherwise), but eh.
 

Bergerac

Lost are only those who abandon themselves
#3
Yes, I have felt like this.
May I ask, what environment were you brought up in? I mean, were your parents encouraging? Did they have too high expectations, that no-one could realistically achieve? Can you trace it back to a moment where you felt confident before the event, and a mistake was made and subsequently knocked you? Were you compared to others a lot?

I understand how debilitating this can be, and actually puts an invisible shield up, almost guaranteeing to create a self-fulfilling prophecy, via the anxiety. Then, when it invariably causes you to fail, it perpetuates the thinking and continues the cycle.

I think for me, I tried to gain some perspective, over time. Easier said than done, and it takes practice. The more I've seen of the world and other people's unfortunate experiences, the more I realise that there is very little to lose, how unimportant these things often are and that even if I don't do the best job at first, I take from those mistakes the right way to do it next time. A kind of blessing in disguise.

If you harness this in the right way, you can actually come to doing a better job than those who appear to 'succeed' the first time.

It's a matter of time and experience and a gradual seeping-in of the different aspects of life, that helped me overcome it. Sad to say, I know of no easier formula.

Good luck, and remember: you are just as good as anyone else. You will also find your set of skills, once you are able to reduce the panic. I also find mixing with people more very beneficial to build confidence, as well as some solitude, to build my skills out of sight of others.

The ability within you is there.
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#4
I sort of get this. When I first think about doing something, I'll often have a surge of enthusiasm - until I start to actually think it through. Once I do that - THAT's when the panic sets in and I start feeling like I can't do it. When I was younger I would put myself forward for things, in that initial surge of interest, only to try and get out of once the panic set in. But then, of course, I was caught in the trap of either disappointing people by not doing what I'd said I would do (a cardinal sin as far as my family were concerned) or going ahead despite the panic.

The downside of all that is that now I'm older, I just dither about pretty much EVERY decision because I'm terrified that I'm going start panicking about it and want to back out. and won't be able to. Not sure how much sense I made there. Hope it helps anyway.
 

Fox

Active Member
#5
Yes, I've had this happened before. I was depressed to start new activities and didn't have the energy and motivation to do so.
Nobody was perfect at the beginning of an assignment or an activity. Experience and practise makes you better at them. You just have to stick to your goal and motivation will come naturally.
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#6
I do struggle with this, so I'm trying to keep in mind that you need to make mistakes in order to improve. You know?
 

Innocent Forever

Still innocent!
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#7
well this has happened to me for as long as i can remember. im 20 now. Everytime i have to do something, an assignment, or an activity i wanted to join just for learning, before i even try, or in the process, i suffer so much because i feel i cant do it right, no matter how much effort i do. i get very anxious.
:( i feel like im useless but trying to deceive myself to think i can do things
None of my friends feels like this, so i wanted to know if anyone has felt this way and how have you fought it? thanks
Yes. There are things I don't do because I can't start for that reason.
You're not useless. Anxiety is real and can be handled when you've learnt how to. I've learnt to sometimes just do it.
Sending hugs
 

Marilyn1962

Well-Known Member
#8
This is where the majority of my metal health issues come from, I feel inadequate, incompetent and useless. I can pin point where it started as well but I’m still struggling with it. My work life takes a massive hit because of it, like you said I don’t believe it when other people tell me that I CAN do things. Even if I do something well I will dwell on a part of it that I got wrong, I dwell on mistakes. I don’t really have any advice as I’m still going through it but I do understand, I know how it feels. Maybe write down everything that you can do, things that make you feel happy and confident
 

Daphna

Ninja of light
#9
well this has happened to me for as long as i can remember. im 20 now. Everytime i have to do something, an assignment, or an activity i wanted to join just for learning, before i even try, or in the process, i suffer so much because i feel i cant do it right, no matter how much effort i do. i get very anxious.
:( i feel like im useless but trying to deceive myself to think i can do things
None of my friends feels like this, so i wanted to know if anyone has felt this way and how have you fought it? thanks
Self doubt is very common, and so is having impossible expectations for yourself. Everything takes time, and mistakes are part of the learning process. You can do anything you put your mind into, as long as what you want is reasonable. No one can fly, or breath under water, or have super human powers. Just listing what I would say are unreasonable and pointless desires.
 
#10
Umm, I think this principal is my life actually lol. But you'll find, is that if you stick with it, in time you will get used to 'welcoming the unknown', and that's very healthy to do, especially if you can do it on your own and not be forced. There's an old quote, I think it's from the book 'Red Badge of Courage', that, "You'd be surprised what you can do when you have to" and I find it to be very true. Especially at your age, don't worry, it will come in time if you keep working at it. Peace, and I hope that helps
 

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