The funny thing about my life is that no one really cares to contact me. If I don't message or text or talk to anyone no one cares to contact me, if I want to talk to someone I have to initiate the conversation. It's like I had a few people in my life (maybe 3) who actually gave a fuck if I exist and now where are they? In the end, no one really gives a shit unless you're dying. But here I stand, dying inside. I can't open up or trust the people who were in my life so now I sit on SF and post shitty threads about how no one wants to talk to me. It's not even the fact no one wants to contact me that's been leading me deeper into this shit-hole of a massive depressive state. I honestly don't know what is but I've been thinking of methods to kill myself and it makes me feel good. I know what's completely fucked up but I really don't feel like living anymore. 19 years old and I'm almost dead set on suicide. Yeah yeah I know: "you're so young you have so much to live for" -- No I fucking don't. I'll live for maybe 50 more years if my liver doesn't fail from past attempts and my compulsive drinking habits and then I'll be dead. No more conciseness, no more life. Dead. Non existent. I've been having an existential crisis for almost 4 years. And on a side note, my parents are dead broke, borrowed over $100 from my last paycheck and I spent the rest on gas and booze and drugs and now I'm shit poor with no alcohol and have no fucking clue how I'll make it to Friday without drinking. Please don't post comments saying I need to stay sober because I don't want to hear them. I'm sorry if I come off as an asshole in this thread I'm going through mixed emotions of anger/depression/anxiety and numbness all at the same time. Too bad we can't afford health insurance.