Has anyone else had this problem/Not digging this whole 'living' thing

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Why Am I Here, Jul 28, 2014.

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  1. Why Am I Here

    Why Am I Here Well-Known Member

    The funny thing about my life is that no one really cares to contact me. If I don't message or text or talk to anyone no one cares to contact me, if I want to talk to someone I have to initiate the conversation. It's like I had a few people in my life (maybe 3) who actually gave a fuck if I exist and now where are they? In the end, no one really gives a shit unless you're dying. But here I stand, dying inside. I can't open up or trust the people who were in my life so now I sit on SF and post shitty threads about how no one wants to talk to me.

    It's not even the fact no one wants to contact me that's been leading me deeper into this shit-hole of a massive depressive state. I honestly don't know what is but I've been thinking of methods to kill myself and it makes me feel good. I know what's completely fucked up but I really don't feel like living anymore. 19 years old and I'm almost dead set on suicide. Yeah yeah I know: "you're so young you have so much to live for" -- No I fucking don't. I'll live for maybe 50 more years if my liver doesn't fail from past attempts and my compulsive drinking habits and then I'll be dead. No more conciseness, no more life. Dead. Non existent. I've been having an existential crisis for almost 4 years.

    And on a side note, my parents are dead broke, borrowed over $100 from my last paycheck and I spent the rest on gas and booze and drugs and now I'm shit poor with no alcohol and have no fucking clue how I'll make it to Friday without drinking. Please don't post comments saying I need to stay sober because I don't want to hear them.

    I'm sorry if I come off as an asshole in this thread I'm going through mixed emotions of anger/depression/anxiety and numbness all at the same time. Too bad we can't afford health insurance.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I read your post twice. I'm not to sit here and say don't drink, because it's your decision but I know I cannot drink. It makes me suicidal and angry. I also totally get the part about having to contact people first, other than my mum I have to initiate conversations with others, which I'm not very good at but am better than I was. I was a recluse for years(long story) Just want to let you know you are being heard and aren't alone in this. You don't come across as an asshole, you come across as human. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.
     
  3. Why Am I Here

    Why Am I Here Well-Known Member

    I appreciate the kind words, Petal I do, I'm just beyond stressed here dealing with the isolation and drinking. It's eating me alive.
     
  4. siff

    siff Member

    Hey. Sounds like the story of my life. i really don't think about my future anymore just cause i don't see it. All the money i make i spend on drugs and pointless stuff. Only phone calls i get are my father or my brother. My life just sucks to say the least. But i don't have the balls to do it i guess.
     
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    A lot people are broke and is trying to make ends meet. Just wondering if you're not making enough money maybe you can qualify for free health insurance. Just saying.

    Agreed with petal about the booze. I cannot drink it'll make me way worse emotionally.
     
  6. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    Talk to me if you wish. You are still young.. You have time to turn your life around. Don't wanna gif you advices that you don't need, it's your own decision after all. Just don't do some thing that will make yourself regret.
     
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