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Has anyone ever recovered?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by purplefizz, Aug 29, 2008.

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  1. purplefizz

    purplefizz Senior Member

    I want to know your experiences with recovery.

    At this point, I don't know if it's possible. I'm bulimic, it's entirely life consuming, and there seems to be no end in sight. I've half-heartedly tried to recover a few times, but it always leads to relapse. I guess because I am afraid of gaining weight, but I know that it's really about the "control" and coping mechanism. It's also hard to find motivation to recover when you're deep in depression like I am. It seems futile, especially if I'm going to die anyways. Part of me hopes that it will kill me. I have a feeling that I'd be a lot better off if I could get this under control.

    It seems like such a simple concept to eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full, and not throw up after eating, but it's honestly so difficult. :sad:

  2. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I was bulimic from June '96 to April 10 '05. The second date I quietly celebrate as an alcoholic might celebrate the date of their last drink. The bulimia started because I started getting acid reflux and had to go on restrictive diets to control it. The reflux continued and my diet became even more agonizingly restrictive. I blew a gasket and started scarfing everything not nailed down then, of course I was sick and had to get that grocery cart worth of food out of my aching stomach. This went on for almost nine years.

    I've been depressed so long so even though I knew I was ruining my health especially worsening my reflux I didn't care. The whole act feels oddly cathartic and there is an illicit thrill in planning a binge.

    Well, I stopped because I gave myself a hiatus hernia, damaged my teeth, took years off my life (the oxidative stress, crosslinking proteins etc. during a binge) and just the misery of cleaning vomit off my arms, face, toilet/floor only to go to bed profusely sweating and waking up several hours later with the room spinning and my heart pounding out of my chest. It is BAD for the body and the damage catches up with you.

    I hope you can resist a binge for a few days, a week, two weeks and so on. I pulled out of the miserable cycle by accumulating time without an episode, having a relapse but slowly, eventually accumulating several weeks, then a month then several months. It was an almost impossible compulsion to resist after so many years but after resisting relapsing for over six or so months I got over some intangible hump where I couldn't believe I ever did it even once.

    I'm wishing you strength and hoping with all my heart you beat this too. :victory:
  3. The_8th_Wonder

    The_8th_Wonder senior Member

    Well I recovered from anorexia. When I was in 7th grade I started gaining a lot of weight in a very skinny, fit town. I started getting hassled about it so I stopped eating and started taking brutal swimming classes. I realized that I could eat virtually anything I wanted because these classes were so intense I would burn off the food. It wasn't easy and my parents pretty forced forced me to start eating normally again but I got over it.
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