Has anyone heard of this problem before?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by neverever, Jun 8, 2009.

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  1. neverever

    neverever Member

    I didn't know if this is in the right forum. I don't think I'm gonna commit suicide, < Mod edit Hazel: Method >

    I really wish I could turn back time to 12 years ago, to when I was 16. I fell in love with a girl, and we were together through the last 2 years of high school. She waited for me, but I couldn't get intimate with her, because I am so frigid.

    After I left school, I never saw her again. It's so sad. But I spent all those years thinking about her and I honestly swear I still love her. I am 28 now, and I know she has 2 children and soon getting married. It all sounds so pathetic and fucked up, but this is all the truth and it hurts me so much that I'm severerly depressed and really I just want to commit suicide.

    I get so angry with myself for not doing things. I am not gay or anything, I have even had crushes on other girls since then, but I don't think I'll really ever fall in love with anyone ever again. You can call me obsessed, but whatever.

    I don't know exactly where she lives, but she lives in the same town as me. Sometimes I drive round looking for her. Just to catch a glimse of her. I don't know what I'd do if I saw her. If I bumped into her I'd really don't know what I'd do, just fucking panic. I constantly feel like she has just died. She might as well be dead, because I'm never going to see her again. I don't go out socially, and one of the reasons is that I might see her. I couldn't stand to fake my way through a conversation with her, pretending I didn't totally want her. I'd just burst into tears, telling her I loved her. And she would think I was a psycho.

    For some reason I just want to tell her how I feel about her. If she could tell me that I was special to her, it would make me feel so much better. I'd probably still commit suicide though, I know we could never be together. But what I want so much is for her to love me and me to love her. I'm so frightened of finding out she doesn't give a fuck about me. I hate the fact she is and has been with other men. Maybe she never loved me and I hate that.

    People will obviously say that I need to move on and get on with my life and have therapy. But I just don't want to let go of this it's killing me. Please don't tell me "there are other fish in the sea", because I hate that.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 9, 2009
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    You need to move on. There are no two ways around it. You've crushed on other girls... But it's hard to love from a distance. Pursue it. There's nothing else you can do, the first girlfriend is gone. She probably still cares about you, but she's moved on.

    Shit. I've been dealing with a similar issue to you for a couple years, not 12, but a couple... This morning I got a new overwhelming crush. I'm pursuing it. I think I might finally replace the previous girl.
  3. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    I don't have any advice to give all I can say is I hope you get throught that. I feel like a loser and feel completely alone right now. It sucks, all I can say is things change. If you just find a way to get past this than you may be suprised by what happens next.
  4. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    many people deal with the same thing you do.
    i have the same feelings toward old friends (not in a gay way)
    all i can say is that no one is worth your life and you can be happy.
    you need to meet new people and talk about your problem with others. i am always here if you need someone to talk to. :hug
  5. neverever

    neverever Member

    Honestly, I could handle being a loser and I could handle being alone, if I had never fallen in love before. I could probably live without getting laid for the rest of my life. But I can't handle the fact that I won't ever be with this particular girl. I just really miss her. I never thought I wouldn't ever see her again. I suppose, back in the day, I thought it was unlikely that we would be together at 16 and stay together forever. But that's what I wanted. Leaving her alone, so that we could meet back up again, in our 20's, must've seemed like a good idea at the time or something. So that I could be the one that finally got her. I can only imagine that's how I got through all those years. Hoping. Though I never planned that or anything and I remember most of them being very depressing. I just always thought there'd be another chance someday. I've lit a torch and held it for 14 years and I don't think I can ever put it down. I've really fucked up, and I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life.

    < Mod edit Hazel: Methods >
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 9, 2009
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