Re: Has anyone witnessed a suicide?TRIGGERING
I was standing on a train platform opposite my the womens refuge I lived in on the 10th of November last year. I feel so guilty now admitting that I was going to jump. Maybe I was too wrapped up in my own misery. Maybe she just wasn't outwardly showing signs. We were both near the end of platform, away from the waiting areas, just the two of us. One of those Virgin cross country trains went flying through the station so fast and I saw her jump, it was like in slow motion I just saw her run the last few paces to the edge of the platform and then she was gone, the train was so far away when it finally managed to stop, I ran off the end of the platform but well there was nothing I could have done, nothing anyone could have done. I don't want to be too graphic but she just wasn't recognisable as a whole person by then. I went back there a few times after that, I laid flowers for her and went up there at night, and crazy as it sounds I talked to this woman I didn't know, I prayed for her and told her I hoped she was at peace now. I can't forget it, I will NEVER forget her face right as she left the platform and I will never forget seeing her afterwards, the horror I felt at the same time as this sickening relief that it wasn't me. So much guilt fills me now, I can't believe I was so selfish as to be glad it wasn't me in that moment, and guilt that it wasn't me who went first and stopped her from doing it. I still see her in my dreams sometimes and I have nightmares of her afterwards on the tracks but with my face. This is the first time i've told anyone I was up there, I ran away down the track behind the platform I couldn't look at her anymore. I watched the police and the coroner come and pick her up in different body bags from my flat. I'm really sorry I couldn't save her, i'm really sorry I was to wrapped up in my own stupid problems to stop her. I really hope she is at peace.