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Has being suicidal benefited you?

Discussion in 'Opinions, Beliefs, & Points of View' started by confuzzle, Jul 26, 2009.

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  1. confuzzle

    confuzzle Well-Known Member

    Now I know this might sound strange, but hear me out.

    I'm suicidal. I broke down when i first admitted that. It showed a side of me, a side that I've brushed off, blocked, or otherwise ignored for most of my life.

    Right now, I don't feel suicidal, but I know I have the capacity.

    I came here scared, confused, and bewildered beyond anything I had ever experienced before. Earlier that day, I was crying, and I wasn't knowing why. I cried for things that I knew were painful, but I didn't know what they were.

    Yet now I live in a much different world. I feel better now. I'm not happy 100%, but I'm on an up.

    This world has taught me some pretty glum facts, but has also changed my perception on life so that I take very little for granted now. Hell, I don't even say I have good days anymore...cause really, they are impossible. Just a personal thought, but there it is.

    I have friends that I care deeply about from here. Friends that I look forward to possibly one day meeting them face to face.

    I don't regret joining SF, and I think that I have changed, matured, or evolved, whatever the term may be. And for right now at least, i feel better for it.

    This isnt to say this is the end, or even close to it. This is something that wont be cured, wont go away, and it will be a fight. I know im not prepared for it, but at least I know there are people here that will be here for me when i am at my weakest. I am so thankful for them...you have no idea.

    Thanks SF, and I wanted to open this up to the rest of you.

    While life gets us down, do you think not only SF, but our own negative thoughts, have...in the end...made us a better person than who we were?
  2. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Well as the saying goes, whatever doesnt kill you.... as much as I have not liked my past I would not change a thing as it has made me the person I am today, a person I am finally becoming happy with. These things we have gone through have given us an ability for empathy that others who have not had the same experiences have so I say it is a blessing and a curse.
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Maybe it will, but as yet it's mostly ruined my life.
  4. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    it has not benefitted me at all.It never will ,either.There is nothing to be learned from it.Sadly,on top of it not benefitting me in any way...it also has been a source of entertainment for others..there are strange people in the world who get off on other's pain.Living,finding peace,and striving for joy all are the only weapons against these kinds of people.No..suicidal ideologies are just bad to the core.
  5. The_8th_Wonder

    The_8th_Wonder senior Member

    Nope, it's fucked up my life to the point of where even people on here wonder how somebody can be so depressed all the time. It pisses people off when you're in a bad mood because it gets them in a bad mood... not like I care.
  6. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    I'm kind of grateful for it. I've been doing well recently; my last real flirtations with it were from 2006-2007 timeframe. Still, I know what I'm capable of, and I have a very healthy appreciation of that. I still get depressed; I still get hopeless. I joined the community here because I knew that I had a predisposition towards those types of feelings.

    So yes, I'm grateful, somewhat, for having been shown my true colors, and having become a stronger person because of it.
  7. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Its kind of messed me up a lot. but yet at the same time I have become stronger in some ways emotionally. So yeah I guess it has benefited me somewhat. but at the same time hasn't.
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Only to the point i can understand others now that are feeling this way. I can relate and know they are not looking for sympathy they are not weak they are in so much dam pain and confusion that if they don't reach out to places like this they end up doing something they regret later or end up dead.
    I hate not having control i hate wanting to leave because i know it will harm others i hate it because i am trapped here and don't know how to end all of it
    without causing someone else to feel suicidal in the process. There is only a constant battle that totally drains you god i hate it.
  9. cofmadness

    cofmadness Well-Known Member

    Never, it has ruined me.
  10. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    I completely agree.
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