Has to be within 2 months

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Withdrawn, Jun 5, 2011.

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  1. Withdrawn

    Withdrawn Well-Known Member

    Parents: I promise, to 100%, that you can bring your rats to the boarding school.
    Me: :stars:

    Few days later.
    Parents: You can't bring your rats to the boarding school!
    Me: :badday::bash::no::nerves::eek:utcold:

    Few days later.
    Parents: You can get your own dog at the boarding school!
    Me: :stars:

    Two days later.
    Parents: No, you can't get a dog at the boarding school, you can't take care of a dog. You are too bad.
    Me: *suicidal*

    In two months, I have to move to a boarding school for autistic people.
    If I refuse to, they will grab me and force me to go. I'm not very strong.
    Every day, I cry heavily. I close my eyes slowly and pretend to die, just to feel the peace. I try to choke myself every day, and I hit myself as hard as I can.

    My mum has hidden my medicine so that I can't overdose.
    I cry, cry and cry.

    I feel that I have to take my own life. I have suffered for ages, and the pain won't quit.
     
  2. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    You mention a lot of things that are hurting you in your post. What is it that's hurting you the most?
     
  3. Withdrawn

    Withdrawn Well-Known Member

    My helplessness is hurting me the most.
    I can't decide over my life, and I can't stand changes.
    My best friends, my five rats and my cat, will be taken away from me,
    and I will live in a stupid group home.
     
  4. Withdrawn

    Withdrawn Well-Known Member

    My parents tell me that I may need to be hospitalized again, with force!
    I can't stop saying: "I don't wanna live anymore" and "I will die soon" and things like that. ´

    I cry every day and I hate everything. I can't think positively and everything is crap. Today I met the optician and I couldn't speak and she quickly noticed that there was something wrong with me. She didn't really dare to deal with me and had to ask my mum if it was okay that she touched me and placed machines on me. I was just sitting there, non-communicative.

    AAAAAAahhh, I'm so sad, I am close to tears now and I know I seem like a complete idiot when writing.

    I'm sad, sad, sad, sad and suicidal. I want to die, and I am thinking of how. I am thinking of the best way.
     
  5. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Sweetheart - how do you know you “can't stand changes“?

    We can only live one moment at a time. Life only gets difficult when our mind thinks too much about the future. Tomorrow will take care of itself…

    Just one moment at a time…always… You are okay so long as you can cope with this moment. Who knows? You may even like the boarding school…

    Be kind to yourself...give yourself some more time...your ability to cope with things will also grow as you grow...
     
  6. Withdrawn

    Withdrawn Well-Known Member

    Thank you for answering this thread, LoveBeing.
    I know that I can't stand changes, because I throw tantrums when something changes. I am so scared of changes!... I want everything to be the way it is, always.
     
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