Hate, Anger, Destruction, Loneliness, Pain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Summer.Rain, Aug 12, 2008.

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  1. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Thats what going on in my head for the last month
    I dont talk, maybe 4 words total a day, i dont smile at all
    hell i even smoked weed untill i had an overdose and start puking all over the place
    and i still didnt smiled. My freands was in shock about why i dont lough..
    My brain is like jamed, i cant think about anything, my thoughts are blured
    today i took a ride on my bike to the bridge (yes i know no methods...)
    anyways when i was there its like i turned into zombie, i could just finish it all
    with no thought, i looked down for like 15\20 min, lost the feeling of time
    and then i just made a U turn and went back home, on autopilot.
    I wounder, today i made 1 step closer to prepare myself for the last step
    How long will it take for me to go back to this bridge...
    I was there, i saw myself like in a movie, the way i do it, it almost felt like i finnaly done it
  2. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry hunni , i know that confused lost feeling myself , theres no easy way of coming out of it , just lean on the support u can my friend , talk if u can , dont over stretch but try and set urself simple goals , like for example havingone whole conversation per day , or thinking one problem through .

    im on msn if u want to add me by all means do and we can chat , meanwhile , keep fighting hunni and remember ur not alone so many ppl here feel the same .

    jo xxx :hug: :smile:
  3. VengeanceDNS

    VengeanceDNS Active Member

    reading this makes me feel better, knowing there are people out there who care, to the first poster i hope you feel a little better today. things sound v tough i send my thoughts.
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't jump off that bridge. I love riding my bike too. It's great exercise and helps me to clear my thoughts. :hug:
  5. Sol

    Sol Member

    Is there something in particular that made you depressed? Is it a philosophical thing? Or are you unexplainably sad?

    I felt like that all the time starting when I was about 14; I've been mostly miserable ever since, but I actually did have a period of 2-3 years when I went off to college that I felt happy for once. It was because I made a large group of very close friends, who were all extremely interesting, with lots of hooking up, and partying 7 days a week. Those bonds made me feel happy, but it all fell apart, there was nothing I could do, and I ended up back in the same place. But the point is that there is always some way out there possibly to find happiness. Freedom and friends I think can cure anyone's depression, that is, if it's (financially) possible for them to make a move or a change to put themselves in a situation to kind of start anew or meet a cool group of people. Maybe something like that would make you happy?
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