Hate being judged.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Dia, May 28, 2016.

  1. Dia

    Dia Member

    He's a really nice guy, gentle at heart and understands the difference between my needs and wants. He's not pushy or over possessive. We share the same interests and likes. He loves to cook (something I love since I could burn the kitchen down with a mere egg). He also has no problems with me having a male best friend. We started out as friends back in high school and now that we're both in college he started to court me. He is also patient. He agreed in waiting for five years, that I need to study first and graduate.

    For me he was the right one. I don't have ideals or the perfect guy though I day dream sometimes. I haven't felt the 'like' or 'love' yet but I knew I love being in his company. The problem is my family. They're quite judgmental and their problem lies in his physical appearance. They're complaining that he's fat and dark skinned. My grandparents just teased me for having bad eyesight since I wear glasses due to my astigmatism in my right eye. They think that I'm too beautiful for him (honestly, I have no idea where that came from).

    I hate being judged. I can't do anything in front of anybody. I have a problem with people criticizing me in every single thing that I do. This came from my social anxiety. If I was paranoid that people were criticizing me when I'm outside when they're actually not, now I'm just downright terrified to being seen near him knowing what my own family say to me, right in front of my face then laugh as if it was some kind of cruel joke.

    It made me want to make him stop but I felt bad for him. He's been trying to slim down. He's giving effort. I don't want to tell him to stop because the both of us are being judged heavily by my own family especially him. I don't know what to do. He's a rare gem but I have mixed feelings and confused thoughts of keeping him in the dark and act as if everything is going fine or enlighten him in what is going on and let him go. I don't know where to get help anymore.
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    To be honest, if you care for him and think he is the right one I think that the thing to do is to not tell him that they are being judgemental about his weight and skin and instead tell them to stop being so judgemental and unkind. This is not his problem - he is treating you well and being patient and kind - he sounds like a keeper. He deserves your protection and you deserve to stand up for yourself. This is not something he should have to feel crappy about - and it is not something you should 'let him go' over.

    Your family are out of line and it is time to tell them so.
    Brian777 likes this.
  3. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I agree with Freya, go with your heart Dia. He sounds like a wonderful person and it's rare to find someone who treats you well these days. People go too much on outward appearance, looks never last they are transient, a good heart is forever. It's time everyone got away from the "classification" and "judgement"......we are all human and trying to struggle through life. Sooner or later I hope your family realize this. I hope you don't give up on having this friend because of family opinion. Take care
  4. Dia

    Dia Member

    The thing is he told me he knows he's being judged by others but he's still respectful to them without me telling him anything about how my family looks at him.

    Today he came by again with my male best friend that has become his close friends too, with a game that the both of us played. I guess my parents saw how genuinely happy I am when I'm with him. My parents likes games especially my father. My father was playing an online game like how he always does when they came by. He offered both my mother and father to try it and I saw the three of them laughing and having a good time. It was a good feeling.

    This time around they didn't said anything bad about him. They didn't say anything good either but they were smiling which made my day. Thank you so much for replying and the kind words! It means a lot to me!
  5. Dia

    Dia Member

    I'm glad I didn't do a stupid mistake of letting him go and it's all thanks to you and Freya. I'm really thankful for your help Brian777! I told myself that his golden heart are more important than anything else and that is why I manage to do what I think is the right thing: of keeping him by my side. Thank you once again for your help!
    Brian777 likes this.
  6. Veda Vyas

    Veda Vyas Member

    Awesome Dia. sometimes problems arent what we see them as. Seems he is capable of handling himself and earn his own place in your family. You might be surprised, that he would know what your family thinks about him even before you need to say anything. He isnt living in completely different world. He seems truly right guy for you. all the best.
  7. Dia

    Dia Member

    I feel very lucky to have him. Thanks Veda Vyas :)