Hate Is Only The Beginning

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by transparent, Jun 26, 2009.

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  1. transparent

    transparent Well-Known Member

    I HATE..

    ...the transition from childhood to adulthood.
    I am almost into college, but honestly, I don't even take pride
    in saying that anymore. I don't see it as a "level-up". I am starting to
    realize that I have worked my ass off in High School for nothing.

    ...living like a ghost.

    ...that everyone seems to be coping better than me.
    I am starting to think that maybe I just wasn't meant for life.

    ...that I don't have the courage to do something extraordinary with my life.
    I wish I was braver and I hate that I'm not.

    ...that I can't hide because the person I'm running from is me.

    ...how angry I am and full of distrust for anyone.

    ...that I think of the worse and remember things I should forget.

    ...that I listen more to my head than my heart.

    ...when people make choices for others.

    ...when I get what I want, but then realize it wasn't what I needed.

    ...when I look too closely at life and realize what it all boils down to.

    ...not knowing what happens after death.

    ...how you can be on top of the world one week and then digging your grave the next.

    ...that the grass only looks greener on the other side.

    ...that a certain someone doesn't appreciate me and only sees my flaws.

    ...how you can expect a close friend to say something encouraging but they end up
    pissing you off instead.

    ...the word "sorry".

    ...when friends ask "are you okay?".

    ...that others dont know what goes through my mind.

    ...the things I care deeply about get thrown out and dismissed so easily.

    ...that I don't let go of things.

    ...that I cant let go of certain things aw well as people.

    ...that I am constantly being put down, even by some of my good friends. I have learned
    to let it roll off my back, but over the years it has broken though my armor.

    ...having to live up to my sibling's success.

    ...that on the outside I can look fine but inside I am torn.

    ...the endless cycle of monotonous life we all waste trying to fill up with as
    many distractions as possible. We are always waiting for the next thing..the next
    vacation, the next movie, the next date, the next...
  2. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I wish I had studied harder during high school. It would have prepared me for college. I entered college not understanding what was said on the first day.

    I agree with your assessment of people and friends. That is why I appreciate not having many friends. Unless you are talented in networking, friends equal drama. Just focus on your studies.

    You seems to have a kinda philosophical view of life. So I guess, I'll just appreciate your honesty.
  3. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    How i can relate to so many of those points. Why not make a list of things you like/love to help you see the good in life not just the bad as this list shows ?
  4. maranature

    maranature Well-Known Member

    I can certainly relate. I'm 33 yrs old now. Worked hard at school and college, but it was misdirected; courses and jobs that weren't suited to me...time lost! Basically I wasted my time! Anyway, just don't take your time for granted, you have one life and that's it, enjoy it! No amount of depression will take that away!
  5. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Ultimately, your future is in your hands. There's always setbacks but there are many opportunities too, you just need the courage to grab them. I've been able to relate to every thing on your list in the past year. Sometimes thoughts and the past eat you up, and you don't know how to fight it. But over time it will get easier and you'll find better ways of coping. You'll be able to write as many positives as negatives in your list of life. You'll be able to enjoy life again. There will always be bad days when everything feels wrong, but by finding strength in yourself instead of other people, you'll have more good days. Sometimes it'll all seem impossible, keep in mind you deserve to live and you have a lot to offer the world in your own way. Feel free to PM me anytime. :hug:

    EDIT: Oh and education isn't the most important thing in life, as my therapist always tells me. Your HEALTH and HAPPINESS is. :smile: Focus more on that.
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