hate life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Nov 30, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    why do people keep saying you have to forgive them, forgive them for raping me, sexually abusing me, beating me, how can I forgive them. How? My life is ruined so how can I forgive them, when its because of them that each day I don't want to live, each day I'm scared of my own shadow. I had my session today and I didn't want to be there. I don't eat anymore, I've stopped eating my body rejects food. She asked me to eat a bowl of cereal each day for her. on the 16th its 2 years since he raped me. since he raped me. he's friend knew that he had spiked my drink and had an argument with him (which I found out months later), but he left me there, he didn't tell me, why didn't he stay, why didn't he take me home with him. why. I thought the arugement was because he had told me he liked me, and then he's friend made a move in on me..if he liked me why did he let what happened happen. In january it will be a year since 5 foreign men sexually attacked me, ties around my neck, dragged my into a lift, touched me, hands down my trousers, kissing me and they tried to pull me into a hotel room, it only didn't get worse because some other person saw what was happening and stopped it being anything worse. Why am I scared of life, because everytime I think i can move on, something happens, something comes and ruins me, takes the last breath from me. It doesn't matter anymore I can kill myself or let some man kill me, a choice I can make.
     
  2. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Its all my own fault. I asked for it all to happen, once maybe it wasn't my fault, but its all my fault it happened more then once so its my own fault.
    Its my own fault. Something will happen, I will be killed. I'm not safe on my own. how can it not be my fault. I was raped less then 4 weeks apart, drug raped both times that's my own fault I shouldn't have been drinking. Sexually attacked by 5 men in January this year. Sept last year sexually attacked by some forgien man in a foreigh country it was my own fault cause I left the others in town and walked back to the hotel my own fault I should have stayed in a group. 6 weeks ago I was sexually attacked my the man that abused me when i was younger, I went to he's house for answers and got hurt, my own fault.

    No more. I have to stop this, I won't ever be safe, not now, not ever. my ex is calling all the time, he won't leave me alone. I can't do this anymore, I can't do this I can't I can't I can'
     
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