why do people keep saying you have to forgive them, forgive them for raping me, sexually abusing me, beating me, how can I forgive them. How? My life is ruined so how can I forgive them, when its because of them that each day I don't want to live, each day I'm scared of my own shadow. I had my session today and I didn't want to be there. I don't eat anymore, I've stopped eating my body rejects food. She asked me to eat a bowl of cereal each day for her. on the 16th its 2 years since he raped me. since he raped me. he's friend knew that he had spiked my drink and had an argument with him (which I found out months later), but he left me there, he didn't tell me, why didn't he stay, why didn't he take me home with him. why. I thought the arugement was because he had told me he liked me, and then he's friend made a move in on me..if he liked me why did he let what happened happen. In january it will be a year since 5 foreign men sexually attacked me, ties around my neck, dragged my into a lift, touched me, hands down my trousers, kissing me and they tried to pull me into a hotel room, it only didn't get worse because some other person saw what was happening and stopped it being anything worse. Why am I scared of life, because everytime I think i can move on, something happens, something comes and ruins me, takes the last breath from me. It doesn't matter anymore I can kill myself or let some man kill me, a choice I can make.