HATE my body, it ruins my life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by wonderer, Nov 11, 2010.

  1. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    I've got chronic undiagnosed stomach problems that basically have me limited to eating maybe 20 different foods, and even then I'm never sure I won't get sick, get diarrhea, pass out, or shit myself. So my life is totally organized around finding time I can be home alone to eat.

    My old roommate is coming to the area for the weekend for a dinner at our college, and assumed she could crash here Friday night. I had to tell her no because... I'll be at work all day Fri., get home, and start working to prepare for the event, and then be helping out all day Saturday, which means I'm not eating on Sat. Which means I need to take care of myself Fri. night. I'd love to hang out with her, and I hate so much that my body's a problem. Whatever's wrong, I wish it would just kill me and get me OUT of this hellish trap of a body... I just keep losing more and more of my life.

    The worst part is... it wasn't this bad when she lived with me. She's never gotten that its actually gotten worse, and its not just in my head. In reality, yeah, I might be ok, but I don't think I can take the chance. I'm a totally worthless human being because I'm stuck in a totally useless body.
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    You sound to me like you've got the same problems as my aunt.
    I suggest you look into Crohns and try to diagnose yourself-- if it sounds familiar; please see a doctor to get tested. Knowing what you have and how to treat is is half the battle to being happy, I think...

    I know how frustrating and humiliating it can be to have a disease that affects how you can eat. It's horrible...
    So sorry you are having this frustration.
  3. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    Docs said no to crohns. They're useless, they just run the same tests again and again and come back with nothing. Not nothing, but just enough of something to actually believe I'm not just screwing with them, which is a small gift, but doesn't help much.
  4. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    fuck. i've been there. no good. fucking doctors.

    have you looked into PUD?

    i'm sorry, i really hope things get better for you :/ you can pm if youd like
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    For what its worth, I have the same problem. Its horrifficly limiting. Very few foods I can eat. Its all related to stress. going places is a huge ordeal unless I install a bathroom in each car I travel in, and then have easy access to a bathroom where I am going. This runs my life. and there is nothing short of living on immodium AD that helps.

    But then there is the aspect of it that developed 2 1/2 years ago where my body hyper produces acid. This is why I have such intense food limitations. I cannot even eat a salad. I have tried different medications. But none of them work to stop the pumping of acid. The only thing that would work is to be calm for a long enough period of time so I can break the 2 1/2 year long acid pumping cycle. I have IBS. Its stress ( and genetically) related. And then I have the constant pumping of the acid which is purely stress related.

    Proton pump inhibitors ( which do not seem to help me) are dangerous for people who have family history of osteoporosis. The proton pump inhibitors impede the absorption of calcium. This the side effect of taking them is bone fractures. Although for some this will not be an issue. For me it is. Because of family history, and past experiences with an ED which left my bones without proper calcium.

    I wish I had an answer for you. I used to manage it with drinking coffee in the morning for a couple of hours before I had to leave the house. But because of my stomach, I can no longer drink coffee.