I'm 20 years old and have a nine month old son. I hate my life because I am a parent now and it sucks. I found out I was pregnant at six weeks and didn't know what to do. Halfway through the pregnancy I thought I should give the baby up for adoption but my mother and my son's father (BF at the time, unfortunately) emotionally manipulated me into not doing it, i shouldn't have listened to them but I did. My mom said if I gave my baby up she would be very depressed behind it and she would pack her shit and move far away from all of us, and that I was being selfish because what if I wanted to have children in the future. Me being 19 and stupid at the time really took that to heart and that drove me closer and closer to keeping the baby all the while knowing that my life was about to change forever and I knew I wasn't in a position to take care of a kid anyway. I'm not really a kid person and I always thought I would never have any. But I didn't want my mom to up and leave me but now I hate her for manipulating me like that and not supporting me in my decision. She offered to take the baby and raise him and she did do that for like two weeks before she called me complaining about how it was too much for her and she was exhausted and basically I was a shitty person because I had this baby that I didn't want and I didn't even call to check up on him (which was a lie). Then she said she didn't really want me to take him back she was just venting, but I know she is wishy-washy and narcissistic, bipolar and a liar so I took my son back that same day. We still maintain a relationship but I hate her secretly. I feel like her and my son's father told me lies when I was pregnant but now I shoulder all the responsibility. I love my son but being a single parent at 20 sucks. I want to go back to college but I can't do that. I work a full time job, sometimes 50 or 60 hours a week and still struggle to make ends meet. My son is in daycare all day and I work nights so I don't see him anyway, but I always have to worry about if he's okay, who's gonna watch him where and at what time, my mom will watch him while I'm at work and she'll always over-exaggerate about how sick he is and this and that, and he needs to go to the emergency room (which I did take him once and the doctor's said he was absolutely fine, now I have to pay that hospital bill on top of other bills I already owe). My baby daddy is an asshole and an idiot, I told him in my last few weeks of pregnancy that if he wanted to have the kid he would be doing it on his own because this is not what I wanted, and he was always telling me that he was ready to be a father anyway. But now my son is here and his daddy is a sub-par parent. He only cares about seeing me, and any time I'm around him he tries to have sex with me and I have to say "no" a million times just to get him off me. I let him stay the night at my apartment one night cause I didn't feel like driving him all the way home and I woke up to him in bed with me (I made him sleep on the couch) with his fingers in my vagina. I had no idea what was going on cause I was sleep but I just said "ow" and he stopped and left the room. If i go over his house for whatever reason he is usually drunk and has physically restrained me when I deny him sex. Neither of us see our son because we work too much. I haven't even seen my son since like this past wednesday because I just started a second job. I barely get sleep and I barely eat and I'm so miserable. I hate my life the way it is and I wish things had been different. I just want to die cause I don't know what else to do at this point. I have these horrible thoughts of hurting myself, hurting others, hurting my son that I don't tell anybody about because they would think I'm crazy. Sometimes i just want DCS to come by and take my son away to a better and more loving family, because I hate my family and my baby daddy's family and I hurt for my son because his immediate and extended family is shit. I want to kill myself cause I'm tired, tired of everything.