I'm having a really bad day. All I can think about is how much I don't want to live any more. I had a spinal fusion 2 years ago and have been left crippled and in pain. I can't look after myself or my 5 year old daughter. It's so depressing. I really miss my old life. I can't stand for more than a minute which makes so many activities impossible. I hate myself and who I have become. I feel so sad, I can't sop crying. I've tried everything to get better, pilates, physio, massage, acupunture etc. and I jsut don't think it's going to happen for me. I've been reading <mod edit - guidelines> I don't want to live the rest of my life in pain and crippled.