Hate my sister. Long post

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dvnj22, Sep 20, 2013.

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  1. dvnj22

    dvnj22 Well-Known Member

    I got really mad today, I tired to spend time with my older sister. She brought up the subject of how i want to be a teacher. I told her how i don't want to be a teacher anymore and that I think I may look for another line of work. I haven't gone to school to be a teacher it was just something I was thinking about. Right now I'm just looking for entry level work and may go to college later.

    I don't know why but she got irradiated with me and ended up saying I'm negative. Which I am negative by nature but so is she. However she says that she is a positive person and I'm bringing her down and that's why she has to move out. I got really angry. I couldn't let it go and I kept taking about. Which I shouldn't have done but she really pissed me off. She always tries to act superior.

    She ended up saying "your a scared little man who doesn't know what to do with his life". I ended up calling her selfish. And then she proceeds to talk about how I don't look for work. I just had an interview last week! (I ended being turned down)

    She always makes fun of me and my height, because I'm shorter then everyone.
    And I'm only 22 of course I'd don't know what to do with my life.

    Nobody takes into account my progress. I had to deal with a psychotic break for 3 years and knee surgery but made a full recovery on both accounts. I just got diagnosed with low testosterone and vitamin d deficiency - I have literally no energy and feel sick all the time. Yet I make dinner almost every night, and I do all the laundry.

    My mother and father call me disabled. My dr says I'm not disabled!

    My sister and I used to be really close but have grown apart.

    I really am tired of living I don't want to live anymore. I don't think this will ever end. My father has dependency issues and I depend on him for rides because he won't show me how to drive. He tried to teach me but he just gave up after 2 times. I can't say anything because he yells at me and tells me I'm bothering him and pressuring him.

    When I got out of highshcool I needed surgery on my deformed knee from birth. And during highschool years I was in psychotic state the whole time and doped up on meds. So I haven't had anytime to learn adult skills. And my mother left us, so I only have my father. And he is crazy. I love him but he is unstable. He doesn't want any of us to leave him. My mother has recently tried to help us, but she is unreliable and never keeps her word. One day I had a dr. appointment and she canceled an hr before the appointment

    I feel trapped. The only thing I can think of is get a job and save up for driving school. Then save up for a car. And then get a better job and move out. But I don't think it will ever happen. I've been unemployed for almost 2 years. I'm getting more discouraged and depressed. Even the fast food place won't hire me. I have a diploma and experience in different jobs. <mod edit- methods>.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2013
  2. Temptation

    Temptation New Member

    I understand you.
    Im at that same wall, similarly.
    I feel like I can't progress, no matter how hard I try. I think I've figured out what I'm destined to do.
    The difference between us is goals, you aren't goal driven. That is what your sister I think is trying to get to you. I think if you take time and figure out what your dream is, what your goal is, what would make you happy, then continue to pursue that. Afterall, Madison, Jefferson, and many other founding fathers gave us the right to the pursuit of happiness. Practice it.

    It's saddening that I, too, also have figured out the way to kill myself and how I would do it. Unfortunately I can't get out of that state. It no longer scares me to kill myself, nor not afraid to take that route.
    But what's holding me back is my dream. It will hold you back too, keep you living, and trust me, it's worth chasing that dream. Focus on what you want, your progressions, and not what others think.
    Your dad won't teach you to drive? Teach your self. Won't get hired? Put in an application to any job every day, make that a goal. During your interviews, whether you fake it or not isn't important. But act happy, smile a bunch, dress nicely, and show interest in the job.

    Do not think of life as this monotone stage of save up for driving school, get a car, get a better job, move out, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, retired, die.
    But instead, think of achieving your dreams.

    As much as this sucks, learn to rely on yourself and only yourself. Don't rely on parents anymore. They can't do much, afterall generally what most parents do nowadays is just feed you, and essentially thats it.
    Act upon yourself to take action and be the best possible version of you.
    I believe you can do it, you know why? Because I believe in my self and others did too.
  3. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Im sorry things arent going well with you that sounds like youre dealing with quite a few things at once.

    You could look into testosterone replacement therapy if your low as low T is associated with depression and less energy to do things.

    Your sister sounds like shes a bully and is putting you down to feel better about herself and maybe deluded that by being "hard" or somewhat nasty it will help.

    Sadly everyone has the ability to shut off their empathy and its much easier on the internet where you only see text and then type yourself as communication...

    Moving out could be a good option. Youre young so you have a lot of time 2 years is a long time but not that long compared to the average life of around 75-80 years.

    You sound like youre worrying a lot, make sure you take care of yourself. working out is an option with lifts like squads/deadlifts/bench especially increase your testosterone and growth hormone.

    Good luck with things
  4. dvnj22

    dvnj22 Well-Known Member

    My sister has always been that way. I do plan on moving out but right now it isn't an option. I am goal orientated but just not how people view goals. All I want is normal 9 - 5 job. Passions are things I do on my own time and I don't out much focus on a career like most people. If I can get a job as a butcher for the rest of my life I'd be happy. People view me as weak, including my sister which bothers me. And my parents view me as disabled when I'm not, saying I can never work or have a normal life.
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