I cant control how much i hate myself. I know its my biggest problem but i cant seem to change it. I wana scream so much. It ME that thinks things things and its ME thats the problem. So bloody frustrating im on the verge of a breakdown everytime i think about me. It either makes me reli angry and wana scream and punch things and self-harm and punish myself. Or makes me so fed up of everything, life, the world, the lot. This is wen i tend to eat myself into oblivion and cry my eyes out and mope around and desocialise myself. I jus cant stand doing day to day things. Someone else could do SUCH a better job of being me. Im hideous. In everyway. Everything i think, i do, i say, ANYTHING. Is wrong. and stupid and bad. Says me obviously. But whats really bad is there is a part of me that doesnt want to change it, like ofcourse i do i hate being this way, but im currently going through some pretty heavy cbt but theres a big part of my head that says changing is bad. like, I AM a bad person and all this, I believe it cus its true. and there is a part of me that doesnt want it to change. because im scared i suppose. self-hatred is wat im used to believing. Its the safe option. if i ever felt good about myself i cud let myself down and feel EVEN WORSE than i ever have done. See im jus rambling like fuck i mean get a grip!!!!!