Hate myself so much

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by tappa, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    I cant control how much i hate myself. I know its my biggest problem but i cant seem to change it. I wana scream so much. It ME that thinks things things and its ME thats the problem.
    So bloody frustrating im on the verge of a breakdown everytime i think about me. It either makes me reli angry and wana scream and punch things and self-harm and punish myself. Or makes me so fed up of everything, life, the world, the lot. This is wen i tend to eat myself into oblivion and cry my eyes out and mope around and desocialise myself.
    I jus cant stand doing day to day things. Someone else could do SUCH a better job of being me. Im hideous. In everyway. Everything i think, i do, i say, ANYTHING. Is wrong. and stupid and bad. Says me obviously.
    But whats really bad is there is a part of me that doesnt want to change it, like ofcourse i do i hate being this way, but im currently going through some pretty heavy cbt but theres a big part of my head that says changing is bad. like, I AM a bad person and all this, I believe it cus its true. and there is a part of me that doesnt want it to change. because im scared i suppose. self-hatred is wat im used to believing.
    Its the safe option. if i ever felt good about myself i cud let myself down and feel EVEN WORSE than i ever have done.
    See im jus rambling like fuck i mean get a grip!!!!!
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    many of us are more comfortable in what our brains tell us is so change is not easy for us to accept so if we started to like ourselves then that would be hard for us to deal with us iget it i do.
  3. LipsOfDeceit

    LipsOfDeceit Well-Known Member

    It's hard to suddenly change from hating to liking yourself, but try okay? Focus on the positive aspects of yourself. I don't think that you're a bad person at all. Accept yourself for who you are and take little steps in doing so. Take care.