hate myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by butterfly12274, Aug 7, 2007.

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  1. butterfly12274

    butterfly12274 Well-Known Member

    hey there, I don't rly know what to do. If there were a way to simply stop the thinking then I'd go for it, hope death would be exactly that.

    When I see cute girls run around I feel like killing myself because I know I can't get to them. I block off my feelings, I wish I could just love, but.. I can't, just can't atm. Wish I had a girlfriend, they always have no feelings for me. I'm not wanting to nag or something, I just wish I had someone to love because all I feel now is totally unfulfilled desire together with fear and depression.
    I could run to the hospital next door get to the top floor and jump but :\ I'm usually to scared. And when I'm not I just happen to be elsewhere or when I'm neart the roof top the moment of despair just goes away when I'd go there. I just want it to end!!!

    I also thought of raping a certain someone and for that thought (had it for a sec or so) I feel I must kill myself before I might do something to her (rape >= murder). The thought is just so selfish, I hate myself for being so driven by my feelings yet still coldheartedly blocking them off etc and ugh, so complicated. But no matter what it's just terribly selfish and wrong!!!
  2. Aegis2003

    Aegis2003 Active Member

    DonĀ“t blame yourself for what you think, for you are not in control of your thoughts.
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