hey there, I don't rly know what to do. If there were a way to simply stop the thinking then I'd go for it, hope death would be exactly that. When I see cute girls run around I feel like killing myself because I know I can't get to them. I block off my feelings, I wish I could just love, but.. I can't, just can't atm. Wish I had a girlfriend, they always have no feelings for me. I'm not wanting to nag or something, I just wish I had someone to love because all I feel now is totally unfulfilled desire together with fear and depression. I could run to the hospital next door get to the top floor and jump but :\ I'm usually to scared. And when I'm not I just happen to be elsewhere or when I'm neart the roof top the moment of despair just goes away when I'd go there. I just want it to end!!! I also thought of raping a certain someone and for that thought (had it for a sec or so) I feel I must kill myself before I might do something to her (rape >= murder). The thought is just so selfish, I hate myself for being so driven by my feelings yet still coldheartedly blocking them off etc and ugh, so complicated. But no matter what it's just terribly selfish and wrong!!!