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Hate that happy sad feeling

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Butterfly, Nov 9, 2011.

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  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Okay, so I have had a brilliant past couple of weeks. Had a break away from everything in London with my fiance and I finally got to meet my childhood idol, Britney Spears (woop woop, yes you can shake your head with disgust :laugh: ). My mood has also been relatively stable for about 6-8 weeks. Few feelings of being low and feeling lonely, also having trouble dealing with my health but I think I have dealt with it well. No self harm for 2 months. It has been going swimmingly.

    But I have this sad, sinking feeling inside of me. I feel like the only thing that has been keeping me going is events in my life. Like when I was at my lowest points this year I had to be kept going by my fiance staying the summer. Then when I was at my uber lowest point, with hearing voices, bad cutting and SH, overdoses etc I ended up ill in hospital with meningitis and things seemed to settle a little after that. Then the next thing that was keeping me going was my meet and greet tickets for Britney and now that's gone and now I know my fiance is bogged down with assignments and work I am on my own again. The next thing to keep me on track is Christmas, but after then I have nothing. And that is what is causing this sinking feeling. I don't want to head on a downward spiral again. I want this relatively ok mood to keep up because I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is the constant agitation, paranoia, irritability, suicidal thoughts, constant SHing in every shape and form and hearing and seeing things. I still see things at present and hear the occasional mumbling but I can deal with that while I am feeling okay. I am trying to keep myself as distracted as possible by writing, playing games, watching films, baking etc but I know that one day this is not going to be enough.

    Sorry if this is turning into a rant or incoherent babble, I just needed to get my worries out.
  2. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Hi Lexi,

    I think one strategy would be to focus on your long terms goals (its worth writing about them so they are clear in your mind) and than planning to more short terms fun stuff like you did for Britney and now Christmas. I know that is how I got through my difficult times: some long term objectives (I was always pushing the deadline of my final farewells until this or that objective was reached) mixed with lots of enjoyable activities (as much as I could enjoy them) like my weekend outings with my girlfriend Sophie or running with my colleges at work.
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I just can't focus on my long term goals right now. I have tried. I want to finish my nursing I mean for god sake I have 3 months left when I go back to uni it can't be that hard. Have also got a dissertation to write but just can't see me finishing up. And then there is my wedding to plan but I don't see me getting there. I can only look at the short term for now because it is all I can focus on and is what is getting me through.
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Short term, personally, works better. It helps me, too, to have things to look forward to if possible. Even if they don't work out due to circumstances, but planning and thinking about other things definitely helps. Sometimes "everything" can become overwhelming. Perhaps writing a list and prioritizing it?

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