Okay, so I have had a brilliant past couple of weeks. Had a break away from everything in London with my fiance and I finally got to meet my childhood idol, Britney Spears (woop woop, yes you can shake your head with disgust :laugh: ). My mood has also been relatively stable for about 6-8 weeks. Few feelings of being low and feeling lonely, also having trouble dealing with my health but I think I have dealt with it well. No self harm for 2 months. It has been going swimmingly. But I have this sad, sinking feeling inside of me. I feel like the only thing that has been keeping me going is events in my life. Like when I was at my lowest points this year I had to be kept going by my fiance staying the summer. Then when I was at my uber lowest point, with hearing voices, bad cutting and SH, overdoses etc I ended up ill in hospital with meningitis and things seemed to settle a little after that. Then the next thing that was keeping me going was my meet and greet tickets for Britney and now that's gone and now I know my fiance is bogged down with assignments and work I am on my own again. The next thing to keep me on track is Christmas, but after then I have nothing. And that is what is causing this sinking feeling. I don't want to head on a downward spiral again. I want this relatively ok mood to keep up because I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is the constant agitation, paranoia, irritability, suicidal thoughts, constant SHing in every shape and form and hearing and seeing things. I still see things at present and hear the occasional mumbling but I can deal with that while I am feeling okay. I am trying to keep myself as distracted as possible by writing, playing games, watching films, baking etc but I know that one day this is not going to be enough. Sorry if this is turning into a rant or incoherent babble, I just needed to get my worries out.