Hate this dark demon

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Oct 17, 2009.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I wish i could stop plotting my suicide but find myself doing it everyday and nght.Ive driven most of my friends away as i prefer to be alone all the time.I even find it hard to visit my kids as i cannot seem to handle being around anyone.How the hell this dark monster over took my life has got me stuffed.Is it normal to be plotting ya own death all the time.Ive been trying to be happy but it aint working cant get rid of negative thghts just cant think straight.I cant even let ppl help anymore as i reject everything i dont mean too but im used to being alone.I cant even handle the shops as crowed places freak me im so screwed up thnk me kids would be better off without me dont need them growing up see a looser father.Real good role model homeless jobless and suicidle they dont need to see this crap.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Keep fighting this dark demon of negative thoughts. You may want to post in a member diary here to get these dark thoughts out of your head.

    Are you seeing a doctor for depression?

  3. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    So would your kids see you better knowing that you couldn't hang in this world and so ended it? How could you put them through that pain? because you are having a hard time. Work at getting your life together so they can be proud of their father, and make yourself happy again.
  4. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hey Spidy, nice to see you're still around. :smile:

    Sounds like things aren't getting any better. Where are you living now? Did you get to the hospital at all? You know, it sounds like you really need some external help, isn't there anyone at all you can think of who you can go to for help out there?

    But in any case, please talk to us. It really can help just talking talking talking, you never know how you'll feel afterwards, and sometimes someone can come up with really useful advice.

  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Never let anything beat me before but this has got a grip of me real bad and i cant shake it.Seems to get deeper and deeper everyday feel so like crap just want to break down all the time cant get a grip of anything.Lost my job and everything close to me because im just so down.Ive tried and tried to get back on top but im too worn out taken a tolll on me.Just have not got the motivation anymore and really dont care what happens to me just cant be bothered.I dont enjoy being like this and im not out to upset my kids but i cant continue like this.
  6. Kaganovich

    Kaganovich Active Member

    I can really sympathise with this. I've got 3 children, and no matter who wants to convince me otherwise, I still feel it would be bettr for them not to see me at my lowest as normal..
    I think the highs and lows keep flowing, and at the time the dark is rising and it all depends on external influences to determine what will happen. I feel a sad inevitability.
  7. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    For the sake of your kids, who you gave life to, you have to hang in there and try and get through this.
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