Hate to say it...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Corroded_Heart, Apr 20, 2007.

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  1. I hate to say it but i think a suicide attempt would do me some good. It might settle me on whether i actually care about my life or not. Of course there's something weird about trying suicide with the intent to fail... but i'm really good at failing. Just last night my dad walked in on me attempting to sing and laughed at me.

    I've been depressed so long it's pretty much become a part of my personality, i've failed every attempt to show my feelings in my life so far, everyone takes my jokes seriously, and what i say as a joke, i have no idea how to express any of it, the girls i've fallen in love with even made me fail... every attempt to talk locks me up... every attempt to scream locks me up.

    I dont want to hurt anyone else, but i can see i really need this, it's not natural for anyone to keep themselves bottled up. I mean it might be insulting to anyone who takes suicide seriously for me to ask "Can i try it? just to see if i'm sure or not?" see i absolutely loathe what i'm doing with my life, i hate everything i do, it's like watching some idiot fuck up my life, and i can't live like this.

    I know for certain i'm mentally unstable, i've never gotten anything diagnosed because i hate the thought of drugs changing who i am, i suppose i'm determined to get over this naturally or die trying.
     
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey there, first of all welcome to SF, I hope you find the support you want and need right now. :)

    I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much at the moment but I think attempting suicide as a way to decide whether you care about life or not, is not a good idea, at all. Please don't do that. Suicide is the most drastic action you can take and it's not the same as attempting to sing. There's a huge different between them both. MANY people attempt/do parasuicide (attempt suicide, but not to intentionally to kill themselves) but they DO end up dying. It's a drastic action, and one that is preventable.

    I think it would be a good idea for you to get a diagnosis and see a doctor about your depression. Speaking up is always the hardest step. That first appointment. But that first appointment could very well be the first step to you feeling better within yourself. Please make that appointment. It is the best thing to do. You may not automatically be given medication. There are other ways to make you feel better such as therapy etc Please do consider it. We're here for you. :hug:
     
  3. sadsong

    sadsong Staff Alumni

    I agree with what resistance says. I really would encourage you to go and see a doctor. Sometimes it seems that drastic actions are the only way to go to make people realise how much you're struggling and hurting, but it doesn't need to be that way. Go see your doc and tell them that you've been really down and are having lots of suicidal ideas and they should provide you with help.

    Please don't attempt, i know it's a cry for help, but there are other less risky ways to get the help you need.

    Stick around here and we'll support you and help you out.
     
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